Home > My Wife > I Love My Wife

I Love My Wife

If you look over at my categories–go ahead, take a look–you’ll notice that the categories with only 1 post are financial goals, baking, and my wife (well, 2 for Wife after this post). Based on that, you might infer that I have very little to say about those topics.

Financial goals in my home are simple: try to make it through each month without saying, “There’s so much month left at the end of the money.” Ok, that statement is facetious. We do set goals to be good stewards of our finances and resources, but beyond that, there hasn’t been much to say about financial goals.

As I wrote previously, I dislike baking. Recipes are often far too exacting, there’s a ton of dishes to do, and there’s no such thing as portion control when you bake – I mean, who bakes 2 muffins?! Nobody, that’s who. Baking always results in a 9 x 13 cake or 12 muffins. Thankfully, my wife likes baking so I still get to enjoy eating a muffin a day for a week.

Unlike financial goals and baking, I actually have a lot to say about my wife. In fact, being the best dad I can be requires me to be the best husband I can be. If you read mom and dad blogs, the spouse usually has no idea about the blog or they prefer to remain in anonymity and often threaten the blogger, “YOU BETTER NOT BLOG ABOUT THIS!” rarely gets mentioned. While I do see many parents working well as a team, a mom or dad who often feels like they don’t get the support they need from their spouses is not uncommon. For me, nothing could be further from the truth

I wouldn’t be half the dad nor the man I am if not for my wife. While I love my kids, they’ll eventually leave the house and later on put us in a home take care of us. The Bible says,

3 Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward.
4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth.
5 How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; they will not be ashamed When they speak with their enemies in the gate. – Psalm 127

So D1 and D2 (and any future kids God blesses us with) are arrows. Arrows don’t serve their function if they are held in the quiver – they are meant to be let go. The Bible says, “How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them,” not, “How blessed is the man whose quiver continues to be full of them.” In fact, with many families these days, it seems kids are boomerangs: parents send them out at 18, they graduate in 6 years, and then fly back home, usually rent-free, and play PS3 or World of Warcraft, and watch South Park and MMA pay-per-views in their parents’ basement.

I may come to regret these words when D1 is 25, moves back home and is dating some deadbeat “entrepreneur” who’s building an exciting start-up company (listen, future kid/bf, as long as you don’t start-up no illegitimate kids, we should be ok. I also just freaked myself out a bit by imagining D1 as being 25) but my kids are off my payroll when they are 18. Hopefully, we’ll continue to have an amicable relationship and they won’t put us in a home will take care of us when we are older. Heck, I’ve been changing their diapers for years; it’s time they changed mine.

While being a dad is very important, I realize I’m only going to be an active dad who is deeply involved in my kid’s lives until they no longer think I’m cool become adults. My wife, on the other hand, I vowed to “have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.” So there’s no one I should be investing in more than my wife. Kids, friends, family, acquaintances, Twitter/Blog friends will come and go; I’m stuck with I have the privilege of being with my wife forever.

So what are some ways I invest in my wife?

First, I spend time/energy/resources on her. They say you can tell what your priorities really are by looking at how you spend your time or reviewing your credit card statements. This means I shouldn’t be spending more time on my blog than my wife, or more time with my iFriend, or all the purchases on our credit card statement shouldn’t be for myself.

Second, I remind myself that I am the head of the household. Now, now, before you get your panties in a bunch, let me explain. The Bible says, “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.” – Eph 5:23. And often, Christian men will (mis)quote the verse just before that that instructs wives to submit to their husbands. These verses aren’t so much a right as they are a responsibility. I don’t have the right to say, “WOMAN! SUBMIT TO ME!”; I have the responsibility to lead the household. So if my wife is constantly agitated, my kids are on edge and out of control, it’s my fault, not theirs. God holds me responsible for the climate and culture in my home.

Third, I try to have date nights regularly. If you need ideas, Eric over at Better Husbands and Fathers has some great ideas in his series, Date Your Wife. Yes, babysitters are expensive, but once again, this is a woman/man you are going to be with forever. If we can invest $200 in a phone, we can surely invest $20 to have alone time with our spouses.

Fourth, I consult my wife whenever I make any major decisions, especially when it comes to parenting. For example, we often debrief after we discipline D1.

Finally, I dust off the boombox from my childhood, stand outside her window and play “In Your Eyes.”

In conclusion, I love you, wifey. You were, are, and always will be God’s perfect gift for me. You’re my best friend, constant supporter and there’s no one I’d rather grow old with. I pray we’ll be like these couples and celebrate 50, 60, 70 years together. I love you.

What about you? What are some ways you invest in your spouse?

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  1. October 6, 2010 at 9:56 am

    Wonderful.

    You are able to say such things, I think my husband might say if he weren’t so..ahem…well, nonverbal.

    BUt, hey, I know what his grunts mean. (and get your mind out of the gutter)

    One of the best pieces of marital advice can be found at oldtweener’s website. She says, “look at your spouse as if it could be the last time you see him. As if it’s his last day on earth. We never do know what will happen on that day. Imagine life without them, then look at them.”

    Amen. You do that? and anything else will fall into place.

    You have a wonderful blog, why don’t you toot your horn more often about it?

    • Pop
      October 6, 2010 at 10:32 am

      LOL. Yes, the grunts could be interpreted that way. 😛

      Old Tweener is great! That’s sage advice.

      I guess I should toot my horn louder?

  2. October 6, 2010 at 9:59 am

    You are one smart man, Pop! H & I try to have a date night so we can reconnect. Actually sometimes the date night is so we can actually sit down & eat. Once we had kids, we had to reevaluate how we could fit in quality time for each other.

    • Pop
      October 6, 2010 at 10:35 am

      Haha. Last time we were on a date, my wife looks up and says, “Ummm, honey. You’re eating really fast.” It’s hard to break the habit after being a parent for 2.5 years.

  3. October 6, 2010 at 10:14 am

    This is beautiful and how very true! Although my own marriage had come to an end I realized it way too late with the help of a counselor and lots of self evaluations of all the things I’ve done wrong that contributed to the failing of the marriage and into other woman arms *yes there were more than one*.

    The diaper thing really cracked me up.

    Oh and that head of the family reference reminds me of what this pastor said on his sermon last week: “It’s in heaven, and God has separated the husbands from their wives – the wives were sent to see another saint. Then God told husbands who was the head of their family to line up on the right and ones whose afraid of their wives to the left. The afraid to the wives lines were so long, there was only one husband on the right line. God asked the left line “Why didn’t you became the head of your household as I told you in the Bible?” no one can say anything so God turned to that one lone husband and said “So, tell me how did you managed to be the head of your household?” The guy looked up and said “Uhm…I’m not sure. My wife just told me to stand here!” ROFL!

    You two are so blessed! 😀

    • Pop
      October 6, 2010 at 10:39 am

      Sorry to hear about that, Maureen. It’s never pleasant to hear about such things but I know little man will grow to be a great man one day.

      LOL @ that example. haha!

  4. October 6, 2010 at 11:04 am

    You said so many great things in this post. My favorite being “These verses aren’t so much a right as they are a responsibility. I don’t have the right to say, “WOMAN! SUBMIT TO ME!”; I have the responsibility to lead the household.” Amen to that!

    My husband is a lot like Alexandra, very non-verbal. So I appreciate that he tries to show me he loves me through his actions. You and your wife are blessed with a great union. The world could use a great example of marriage as you guys have. 😉

    • Pop
      October 6, 2010 at 11:08 am

      Thanks, Cyrene. Yeah, I’m a verbal guy – maybe too much so.

  5. October 6, 2010 at 11:06 am

    Well said. What lovely post!

    And the thought of my children at any age over, say, 9? It terrifies me. I get a knot in my stomach.

    • Pop
      October 6, 2010 at 11:08 am

      Thank you! And I need to stop freaking myself out so often.

  6. October 6, 2010 at 11:42 am

    HeyzoooChristo, I wish my husband would write something like this for me. I know he treasures me and we’re in this thing for life, but to be able to see it in print would just be the best gift. Not to mention this “Arrows don’t serve their function if they are held in the quiver – they are meant to be let go.” about the kids? Made me go all gooey. As much as I don’t want them to go, ever, I know that they MUST.

    You’re a good man, Pop. She’s lucky.

    • Pop
      October 7, 2010 at 8:27 am

      I’m pretty sure by the time D1 and D2 are teens, I’ll want them out of the ASAP. 😛

  7. October 6, 2010 at 11:52 am

    Awwwww….yep that pretty much covers what I’ve got to say 🙂 Oh, and there must have been a fair amount of wine prior to this post, seeing as it is so eloquently written;-)

    • Pop
      October 7, 2010 at 8:28 am

      This post brought to you in part by….WINE! 😛

  8. October 6, 2010 at 12:18 pm

    So many people don’t understand that scripture about the man being the head of the home. I don’t get women who take offense to that. Well, ok, I do, but it just means they aren’t taking it the way it was meant. I consider it a privilege to be led by a man who is doing his best to obey God, and who honors me as his wife. Someone has to be the leader, but that doesn’t mean they are the dictator.

    And I hope that my husbands gas gets better as the years go on, because spending the rest of my life with rotten egg and potato salad smell is not appealing.

    • Pop
      October 7, 2010 at 8:29 am

      Agreed. And it’s usually men who misunderstand it. You stated it so eloquently too.

      And I about spit out my morning coffee on my keyboard from the last part of your comment. I’m not sure if my brand is rotten egg and potato salad (probably more like 2 day old garbage) but my wife loves me nonetheless.

  9. October 6, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    I love getting people’s panties in wad over that statement; “The man is the head of the household.” Then, because I like to push my luck, I throw in a “And, the woman is to be submissive to her husband.” Too bad there are so many people that have no idea what it actually means and, either take offense to it or take it to an abusive level.

    • Pop
      October 7, 2010 at 8:30 am

      The abusive level is what bothers me as well. God commands the wives to submit to their husbands; He doesn’t command the man to ensure their wives submit to them. Similarly, God commands the man to love his wife. It really is a great picture of how a marriage should be.

  10. October 6, 2010 at 2:23 pm

    After reading this, and wiping tears away (both because it’s a beautiful piece of writing and I’m jealous that my husband didn’t write something like this for me), and also after reading comments, I’m 100% convinced you need to give out writing lessons to all of our husbands. But Jason will probably ask you to write something for him and he’ll pay you. Don’t fall for it! Make him do it by himself, okay?

    You’re wife is very lucky, and I’m sure she knows it 🙂

    • Pop
      October 7, 2010 at 8:31 am

      Wait. How much is he paying?! Remember, I’m Asian – I’m used to have people copy my homework. 😛

  11. October 6, 2010 at 2:54 pm

    The way my wife and I put, we love our daughter, she is awesome, but we chose each other. We love our daughter, but we are “in love” with each other. One day the Mini-Kamp will leave and we will be on our own again. When that happens, I don’t wanna wake up one and day and look across the bed and not want to:

    1) Spend the day with her
    2) Talk to her
    3) Listen to her
    or
    4) Get it on

    Marriage is like your brain, use it or lose it.

    • October 6, 2010 at 3:27 pm

      There should be more like you…

    • Pop
      October 7, 2010 at 8:32 am

      Not a prophet, but this is what I see in your future: You. Your wife. Two tubs in the middle of an open meadow.

      “We love our daughter, but we are “in love” with each other.”
      You said it so well.

  12. October 6, 2010 at 3:35 pm

    Aaaw! As all the others have said, it is awesome that you can put it into words.

    • Pop
      October 7, 2010 at 8:34 am

      Thanks, Jill. Putting into words is never a problem for me; putting into action is. For example, “Yeah honey. I’ll fix the doorknobs…promise…” 😛

  13. October 6, 2010 at 7:22 pm

    Awww, this is a heart warmer! Great advice. I’m lucky to have an occasional date night with hubby, and really the baby sitter’s fee is a small price to pay for our happiness and mental recharge.
    I invest in my husband but letting him enjoy his space. I understand that fishing and hunting are important, and he’s welcome to continue his outdoor adventures.

    • Pop
      October 7, 2010 at 8:36 am

      You bring up a good point about giving each other space, Jean! Along with investing in our kids (and in me:-P), I try to remind and encourage my wife to get involved in activities that she enjoys, e.g., photography, baking.

  14. Veronica
    October 6, 2010 at 7:57 pm

    This was so sweet! Does your wife read your blog? I hope so–as I wife, something like this would be as nice a gift as something sparkly. Better, actually. Anyway, I invest in my husband by spending (maybe to much) time with him. We walk our dog together daily and now we are exercising together and this gives us the opportunity to talk. We also discuss our day over dinner, which I usually prepare (another way I invest in him). I love cooking for him SO MUCH. I didn’t realize it, but I really hardly ever spend money on him any more. But I just don’t know WHAT to buy! It’s easier just to make him a special meal b/c at least I know he’ll like that.

    • Pop
      October 7, 2010 at 8:37 am

      She reads it from time-to-time. Of course, yesterday was the day she didn’t read it. 😛

      That’s so sweet. They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. I couldn’t agree more. I love when my wife makes a homemade meal – there’s a reason why there have been very few food posts as of late.

  15. October 6, 2010 at 11:00 pm

    Man, you had me at the title. Any man bold and sappy enough to craft this in public is a good, good man. My Guy is pretty terrific but sadly, he’s not a wordy type of guy. As someone who lives and breathes words, I long to see a letter like this from him someday and then I slap myself around for a bit and remind myself what an idiot I am to think that when he shows me in so many ways just how much he cares. If he can’t express it on his terms, then what’s the point right?
    Kudos to you for expressing it on yours. Lucky woman she is, that wifey of yours.

    • Pop
      October 7, 2010 at 8:41 am

      You’re absolutely right Justine. The funny thing is, my wife appreciates a handwritten card far more than something posted on my blog. And more than all of that, she loves spending time with me. Although I’m not a huge fan of how commercialized the series is, I really like The Five Love Languages – how people receive and give love in different ways.

      And if you ever met my wife, you’d realize that I’m in fact the lucky one. 🙂

  16. October 7, 2010 at 12:37 pm

    What a lovely post. It gave me warm fuzzies. So did your wife read this post? 🙂

    • Pop
      October 7, 2010 at 1:58 pm

      Not yet. She isn’t subscribed to the blog. “If I wanna know what you think, I can ask.”

  17. October 7, 2010 at 3:05 pm

    I write about my husband all the time. He reads all of my stuff. Even when I tease him on my blog, he is all good with it as he knows I love him more than anything in this world. And yes, I have written that on my blog as well.

    My husband could never write this sort of post . . . that’s just not who he is.

    But in a million small ways throughout our 24 years together, he has shown me that he loves me. Shown me that my faith in him and in this marriage is justified and and worthy of celebration. He is my other half on this journey through life, through this marriage, and through this parenting thing.

    Our love has saved me.

    He has saved me.

    And so while I am not a religious person, your post has touched me deeply.

    The willingness to announce your devotion to another is rarer than you might think.

    People are so quick to complain. To find fault.

    Happy sighs at the love that you and your wife share.

    Very happy sighs.

    • Pop
      October 8, 2010 at 9:14 am

      This soft side of you is surprising and refreshing. Kind of like a beef steak tomato. SNORT!

  18. October 7, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    So great! Great post, great replies. I will be sending this link to my hubby. He is a wonderful man, but sometimes we get bogged down in the mundane details of making it through the day and we both need to stop and smell the roses (avoid the rotten egg and potato salad, though).

    • Pop
      October 8, 2010 at 9:15 am

      LOL. Avoiding the rotten egg and potato salad isn’t really feasible though. 😛

  19. October 7, 2010 at 10:23 pm

    I had to tweet this – just too much good stuff. I needed the part about spending more time with your spouse than your blog. Sometimes at the end of the day, hubs and I just detox with our respective technology. Excellent reminder – thank you!
    I also enjoyed the biblical reference about the arrows. I too am hoping to raise arrows, not boomerangs!
    Love that so many readers seem to understand and embrace the verse about being “head of the household”. When a man truly loves a woman like Christ loves the Church, she has nothing to fear when she chooses to submit – it is an awesome thing.
    Great, great post. Thanks for sharing your heart (and humor) with us!

    • Pop
      October 8, 2010 at 9:17 am

      I hear ya. After a particularly long day, she wants to get lost in a book and I want to get lost with my iFriend, but we try to make it a point to reconnect.

      And hooray for arrows!

  20. October 8, 2010 at 10:25 am

    This is such a great post. And here I am complaining about my husband on my own blog. 🙂

    We’re still “newlyweds” in the big scheme of things (we’ve been married almost 3.5 years now, together for almost 6) but we work on our marriage constantly. I never thought about it this way, but yes, after the kids and blog friends leave, your spouse is still there! I can honestly say my husband is my best friend and I’d rather spend time with him more than anyone else. I never imagined marriage to be some flowery, romantic fairy tale all the time, but it’s exactly what I wanted: a partnership coupled with deep love. Not that it’s perfect all the time (that’s where the work part comes in) (especially in reference to number 1 on your list — the purchases *ahem*) but I’m thankful that we are able to communicate openly and honestly and rely on God throughout.

    Your wife is a lucky lady! And glad to have found you blog.

    • Pop
      October 8, 2010 at 10:41 am

      *ahem* could you possibly be talking about video games?

      And your right – marriage is work. It’s tough at times but it’s so rewarding.

  21. October 9, 2010 at 11:53 pm

    You are truly an amazing husband! So I know that you also have an amazing wife. My husband is the head of our household. What I love most is that he loves me as Christ loved the Church! I’m tweeting this post. I love it sooo much!!!

    • Pop
      October 11, 2010 at 10:12 am

      Thank you! And the way God intended marriage to be is so beautiful!

  22. October 10, 2010 at 12:04 am

    That’s it. Your writing has inspired me to out my love for my husband. Thanks. I’m officially being banned from the cool table.
    And I think I’m okay with it.

    Thanks for being a model and an inspiration.

    • Pop
      October 11, 2010 at 10:14 am

      Yay! Looking forward to it!

  23. October 10, 2010 at 11:07 pm

    Love this! It just makes me smile! Here’s to you and Wife! xoxo

    • Pop
      October 11, 2010 at 10:14 am

      Thank you! Hope we get to see you soon! xoxo

  24. October 20, 2010 at 11:10 am

    Kris sent me. Love this post. It’s heartfelt and so true!

    • Pop
      October 22, 2010 at 7:49 am

      Thank you! And thanks for stopping by!

  25. October 20, 2010 at 12:12 pm

    Found you via Kris….I often wish that my engineer husband could verbalize his feelings as you have done so eloquently- but then i remember that I love him for who he is…logical and quantitative and sensible…and that is ok. But really, you could bottle up your writing and offer a course in baby steps for non expressive hubbies.

    • Pop
      October 22, 2010 at 8:03 am

      “logical and quantitative and sensible” I am none of these things. Consider yourself blessed. 😛

      Sure! I guess the first baby step would be to move from the grunts to actually verbalizing things.

  26. October 20, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    beautiful! i am also blessed to be a part of a devoted marriage. and literally every day i thank God for my husband. I wholeheartedly agree that the marriage relationship should be the most nurtured, even more than relationship w/ your kids. you put it very nicely. Your wife sounds amazing.

    • Pop
      October 22, 2010 at 8:25 am

      She is amazing and like you, I thank God every day for my spouse. Thanks for stopping by!

  27. CDG
    October 20, 2010 at 3:16 pm

    Arriving from PrettyAllTrue.

    I love everything about this post.

    Everything.

    My husband would never, could never write something like this, but he is rebuilding a house for me. And while it is sometimes frustrating to live in a half finished house? It’s beautiful to live in a love poem in progress.

    And you should totally give lessons.

    • Pop
      October 22, 2010 at 8:33 am

      That’s beautiful. I’m sure my wife would’ve been happier if I changed the locks on the kid’s room door like I promised rather than spending time writing a post – D1 ended up locking herself in the room while we searched for the key 😛

      Thanks for stopping by.

  28. October 21, 2010 at 5:27 pm

    Wonderful.
    It is so nice to hear of a married couple that gets it.
    In these days of easy divorce, everyone forgets marriage is a responsibility and is always a work in progress.

    • Pop
      October 22, 2010 at 8:43 am

      I know there are legitimate reasons for divorce, but I’ve also known friends who gave up on their marriages while teaching their kids never to quit. Always a work in progress is a great way to put it.

  29. October 21, 2010 at 7:34 pm

    What a beautiful explanation of marriage and a tribute to what a wonderful wife you have (and what kind of husband you are).

    You are so right that long after the kids have started lives of their own, it will be just you and your marriage…if you haven’t spent time keeping that strong those years will be very sad.

    • Pop
      October 22, 2010 at 8:46 am

      Indeed. I’m hoping, praying, and working that those years will be bliss.

  30. October 23, 2010 at 2:16 pm

    swoon. Cute! If my hubby had any talent for writing i am going to convince myself that he would say the same thing… too bad for me we’re a young family; I’ve popped out TWO kids and i still recieve no commitment… all in good time i guess.

    • Pop
      October 26, 2010 at 2:29 pm

      Good things will come! Seems you’ve got a keeper anyway! 🙂

  31. December 1, 2010 at 10:49 pm

    I enjoy reading your posts- even though this post struck deep when you say, “entreprenuer,” with an exciting startup company- that is me,or was me- actually, to be honest, I ended up on the- “You better not blog about this-” list as well.
    What mistake did I make? Well, I once believed I was trying hard to be good, when really, I was trying hard to look good, while being bad…
    Hats off to happiness…

    • Pop
      December 2, 2010 at 4:17 pm

      Well, from the sounds of it, you actually are an entrepreneur of an actual startup – the ones I was referring to in the post have business plans that are only slightly better than the one I had with my lemonade stand back in 5th grade, though my stand may have been more profitable.

      Thanks for stopping by!

  1. October 14, 2010 at 11:58 am
  2. October 21, 2010 at 9:11 am
  3. January 31, 2011 at 11:10 am
  4. March 28, 2011 at 11:48 am
  5. March 30, 2011 at 9:14 am

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