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The Reveal Post

October 21, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

Like any good reveal show, I won’t get to the answer right away and instead bore you with random details and recaps you couldn’t care less about.

Food poisoning

The silver lining with having food poisoning twice in the span of 6 days? I lost 5lbs and eating is like a new experience every time. But being a SAHD, trying to potty train a toddler when I myself can barely control my bowels? That’s the brown lining.

That is not nice!

So I wrote before how D1 doesn’t seem to understand some of the things we say. And then I get the sneaking suspicion that she’s a genius that’s just playing us. When D1 is being bad, we usually say, “D1! That is NOT nice!” with extra emphasis on the not. Last night, my wife was giving her a bath and she absolutely hates washing her hair. So as my wife was trying to wet her hair, she begins to shout, “Mommy! That is NOT nice!” Toddlers are freaking hilarious. Manipulative and conniving, but hilarious.

So who saw right through me?

They say truth is stranger than fiction and my life is very, very strange indeed. So each of the 6 things are at least 80% true and one of them is 100% true. I’m terrible at lying and even worse at making stuff up completely. And besides, Momma Kiss did the same thing:

“Is it kinda cheating? Maybe. Sue me, I couldn’t come up with total nutjob stories. Yah, even Me!”

1) All of this was true except “So I went to bed at 7pm and didn’t wake up until this morning. Save for a couple of trips to the bathroom.” I actually went to bed at 6pm. Yes. You read right. 6pm and slept for 12, mostly uninterrupted hours. Like I said, my wife is a saint.

2) I was a rising 3rd grader, not 4th, and I ended up weighing 125, not 120. A 125lb 3rd grader, and my Tae Kwon Do belt was holding on for dear life.

3) I actually gained closer to 40lbs and my vision prescription was closer to quadrupling. I not only love my wife; I need her.

4) Thankfully, I never did these myself but other worship leaders have – yes, even the crapping in the pants and finishing out a set. The worst I’ve done is forget the opening lyrics to a song and having the band play a 30 second intro for close to 2 minutes.

5) This really happened and Bethany will be happy to know that I prayed over my poop-infested phone and then pressed against my ear for every call I made for 2 months. But remember, I did run it under water for a while. I guess I’m not like Jerry Seinfeld who couldn’t even kiss his gf after knocking her toothbrush in the toilet.

The 20% of this one that is a lie? I still use my iFriend while on the can. Every day. But now, when I’m done, I place it on the floor, as far away from the toilet as I possibly can.

6) DING DING! This one is 100% true. So Perpetually Peeved and Shell were the ones who guessed correctly. And to this day, girls only scream at me when they’re mad.

So there you go dear Readers. You now know more about me, specifically that I am a worship leader who has a saint for a wife who is always thisclose to becoming morbidly obese who once dreamed of becoming a KPop idol but will settle for his wife and kids adoring him.

Categories: Blog Memes Tags: , ,
  1. October 21, 2010 at 9:20 am

    As much as I hate food poisoning and being sick, one of the few upsides to it is the fact that, if I’m suffering for a few days, my pants feel surprisingly looser afterwards.

    Which is usually my cue to go stuff my face 🙂

    • Pop
      October 21, 2010 at 1:39 pm

      Face stuffing has already begun! My stomach’s none to pleased about that though

      • October 22, 2010 at 11:24 pm

        Happy that you are feeling better, Twin! The brown lining is never good :p. xoxo

  2. October 21, 2010 at 9:35 am

    I’m forwarding this to my husband as further proof that I’m always right. 🙂 I need to loose 5 pounds by Halloween – think I’ll head down to the local buffet tonight or find someone with a stomach bug and lick their fork. 😉 Glad you’re feeling better.

    • Pop
      October 21, 2010 at 1:40 pm

      May as well get a tape worm while you’re at it, just to make sure you make your weight. 😛

  3. October 21, 2010 at 10:55 am

    Smart move putting the phone far away. My husband dropped his old school cell phone in the toilet while he was peeing one day. He had to finish peeing before he could fish it out. Better than a pot full of crap, though. I think.

    • Pop
      October 21, 2010 at 1:42 pm

      He didn’t just pinch it off mid-stream?

      • October 21, 2010 at 5:07 pm

        I can’t even stop a flow mid-stream, and I have far more self control than my husband.

        • Pop
          October 22, 2010 at 8:54 am

          I can still control that, so I guess I’m still doing ok.

  4. KLZ
    October 21, 2010 at 11:29 am

    I cannot believe I was wrong. Gah! Do not tell my husband.

    • Pop
      October 21, 2010 at 1:43 pm

      I make no such promises.

  5. October 21, 2010 at 11:46 am

    The brown lining?? You crack me up.

    • Pop
      October 21, 2010 at 1:48 pm

      thank you. And thanks for stopping by! Glad i found ya!

  6. October 21, 2010 at 11:55 am

    Oooh, you are a total cheater. I like that about you.

    I knew #5 had to at least be a partial lie. You and your iFriend seem too tight to part ways for too long…

    • Pop
      October 21, 2010 at 1:50 pm

      You know me and my iFriend too well.

  7. October 21, 2010 at 3:30 pm

    Manipulative and conniving, but hilarious. Man, I can’t wait until my 1 year old can connive and manipulate with the best of ’em.

    • Pop
      October 22, 2010 at 8:55 am

      LOL. It can be annoying at times, but it’s always, always funny.

  8. October 21, 2010 at 3:39 pm

    You should invent some type of anti-bacterial/water-proof sleeve for your phone just for using it in the potty. BTW, when I was potty training my toddler, I’d let her use my IPhone as she sat waiting for Ms Pee Pee and/or Mr Poo Poo to come.

    • Pop
      October 22, 2010 at 9:15 am

      *ahem* Why’s the male gotta be the poop?! 😛

  9. October 21, 2010 at 3:51 pm

    Okay, obviously I need to go back and read yesterdays post! Cause that was a little confusing for my first visit here (but intriguing I have to say.) Kids, they either make you scream or…laugh. In my kid’s cases it’s usually both.

    • Pop
      October 22, 2010 at 9:19 am

      Uhhhh…that’s probably not the impression I wanted to make for a first time visitor. 😛

  10. October 21, 2010 at 5:12 pm

    You do realize that you lost every woman reading this post here “The silver lining with having food poisoning twice in the span of 6 days? I lost 5lbs.” If you want to find them, they are in the kitchen putting raw chicken on the counter and planning to leave it there for a few days before eating it.

    • Pop
      October 22, 2010 at 9:22 am

      LOL. Uhhhh, you’re welcome?

  11. liz
    October 21, 2010 at 6:47 pm

    But having a wife and kids who adore you really is all that matters, right?

    • Pop
      October 22, 2010 at 9:23 am

      Definitely. Nothing greater.

  12. October 21, 2010 at 6:56 pm

    Brown lining…hahahah…just laughing at your expense! Sorry I shouldn’t make fun of tummy woes cause Karma? Is always listening

    • Pop
      October 22, 2010 at 9:24 am

      True. I suggest you stick with fried foods for the weekend.

  13. October 22, 2010 at 9:41 am

    When I was 38 weeks pregnant with my son, a neighbor invited me over for dinner. The menu? Indian food. Basically, I was at an all-you-can-eat Indian food buffett, and it was wonderful. And I gave birth not long after that meal . . .

    • Pop
      October 28, 2010 at 1:03 pm

      Indian Food does wonders. Either that, or your baby wanted out of there ASAP.

  14. mommylebron
    October 22, 2010 at 10:24 pm

    Dang it! Do you know I spent an unreasonable amount of time in an inner dialog trying to pick one scenario. They all rang true to me! lol I thought of this post last night when I put my sacred Blackberry on the window sill in the bathroom (I like music while I shower!) and it vibrated and fell off! Thankfully it landed on a stack of towels on the tank of the *OPEN* toilet. (phew, that was a close one!!)

    • Pop
      October 28, 2010 at 1:04 pm

      You dodged the brown lining that time, but don’t take your chances. Play with fire, and you’ll eventually get burned.

  15. October 24, 2010 at 10:39 am

    fyi, i’m with modern mamaz and the raw chicken.

    • Pop
      October 28, 2010 at 1:05 pm

      I may have to do a recipe post on salmonella chicken with a giveaway.

  16. October 26, 2010 at 1:34 pm

    Okay, the comments were just as funny as the post 😉

    • Pop
      October 28, 2010 at 1:05 pm

      I love my commentors – they crack me up!

  17. October 26, 2010 at 3:58 pm

    Ok, I am clearly late to the party once again. NOt sure what the hell I just read except your and your toddler were potty training each other with some brown linings.

    • Pop
      October 28, 2010 at 1:06 pm

      You pretty much nailed it. My wife is grateful that I’m coming along in my potty training

  18. October 27, 2010 at 11:05 am

    I’ll take anything that’s good for a 5 or 6 lb loss.

    I’m pathetic like that.

    Glad you’re better…

    • Pop
      October 28, 2010 at 1:06 pm

      Thank you, Empress! I’ll send some raw chicken your way.

      xoxo -SS

  19. TK
    October 27, 2010 at 1:23 pm

    Sorry about the atrocious double food posioning episode. That’s terrible!

    My daughter is also a proud card carrying member of the Tiny Manipulators Club.

    • Pop
      October 28, 2010 at 1:08 pm

      Are there any toddlers out there who are not card carrying members? And if there are, can I trade?

  20. October 28, 2010 at 8:46 pm

    Where are you hiding, Pop?

    • Pop
      October 29, 2010 at 8:03 am

      I’m here! I’m here! Been SAHDing this week. But don’t worry, I’ll be posting today. 🙂

  21. Kim
    October 29, 2010 at 2:26 pm

    Thanks for visiting my blog! Loved the comment — and the 2nd grader w/ the finger? I had to explain the meaning to my daughter!! gahhh!

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