The Reveal Post
Like any good reveal show, I won’t get to the answer right away and instead bore you with random details and recaps you couldn’t care less about.
The silver lining with having food poisoning twice in the span of 6 days? I lost 5lbs and eating is like a new experience every time. But being a SAHD, trying to potty train a toddler when I myself can barely control my bowels? That’s the brown lining.
That is not nice!
So I wrote before how D1 doesn’t seem to understand some of the things we say. And then I get the sneaking suspicion that she’s a genius that’s just playing us. When D1 is being bad, we usually say, “D1! That is NOT nice!” with extra emphasis on the not. Last night, my wife was giving her a bath and she absolutely hates washing her hair. So as my wife was trying to wet her hair, she begins to shout, “Mommy! That is NOT nice!” Toddlers are freaking hilarious. Manipulative and conniving, but hilarious.
So who saw right through me?
They say truth is stranger than fiction and my life is very, very strange indeed. So each of the 6 things are at least 80% true and one of them is 100% true. I’m terrible at lying and even worse at making stuff up completely. And besides, Momma Kiss did the same thing:
“Is it kinda cheating? Maybe. Sue me, I couldn’t come up with total nutjob stories. Yah, even Me!”
1) All of this was true except “So I went to bed at 7pm and didn’t wake up until this morning. Save for a couple of trips to the bathroom.” I actually went to bed at 6pm. Yes. You read right. 6pm and slept for 12, mostly uninterrupted hours. Like I said, my wife is a saint.
2) I was a rising 3rd grader, not 4th, and I ended up weighing 125, not 120. A 125lb 3rd grader, and my Tae Kwon Do belt was holding on for dear life.
3) I actually gained closer to 40lbs and my vision prescription was closer to quadrupling. I not only love my wife; I need her.
4) Thankfully, I never did these myself but other worship leaders have – yes, even the crapping in the pants and finishing out a set. The worst I’ve done is forget the opening lyrics to a song and having the band play a 30 second intro for close to 2 minutes.
5) This really happened and Bethany will be happy to know that I prayed over my poop-infested phone and then pressed against my ear for every call I made for 2 months. But remember, I did run it under water for a while. I guess I’m not like Jerry Seinfeld who couldn’t even kiss his gf after knocking her toothbrush in the toilet.
The 20% of this one that is a lie? I still use my iFriend while on the can. Every day. But now, when I’m done, I place it on the floor, as far away from the toilet as I possibly can.
So there you go dear Readers. You now know more about me, specifically that I am a worship leader who has a saint for a wife who is always thisclose to becoming morbidly obese who once dreamed of becoming a KPop idol but will settle for his wife and kids adoring him.