Oreo Truffles, a.k.a., Balls for Your Valentine

If you Google “Oreo Truffles,” you’ll get tons of results. Most notably, Bakerella has a really awesome guide with excellent photos, and the Pioneer Woman’s Tasty Kitchen section has numerous recipes, like this one. So why litter the Interwebs with yet another recipe for Oreo Truffles? I’m glad you asked.

First, I’m providing this recipe and How-To for all the fellas out there, hence the a.k.a. in the title: Balls for Your Valentine. I don’t know too many guys who would make Oreo Truffles for their significant other; I know many guys who would gladly give their Valentine balls. And yes, most of the guys I know (including myself) have a sophomoric sense of humor. Second, Valentine’s Day is in less than 2 weeks, which shouldn’t have come as a surprise since retailers in my area have had Valentine’s Day displays since December 26. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about women (admittedly, it’s not very much) it’s that they love two things: chocolate and something homemade. Sure, they love diamonds and other things that will require monthly payments, but this is my way of helping you, cheap frugal wise Casanova: homemade chocolate food stuffs for less than $10! Finally, (and the real reason I’m writing this post) there are many great treats you can get your Valentine, but the thing that I most like to bring out this time of year is my balls. Mmmmmmm….balls….Mmmmmmm…Ok, time to tell you about my balls.

Now just to warn you, this recipe is very simple and easy to do, but it can get kind of tedious and time consuming. So do like you do for assembling furniture: assume it will only take about an hour but clear out the rest of your schedule for when it take 3 to 4 times as long as you expected just in case.

Oreo Truffles
Adapted from 2,401 other recipes on the Web

Here’s what you’ll need:

Ingredients for Balls

You’ll need a food processor, a baking sheet lined with a silpat/wax paper/plastic wrap, one package of Oreo’s, one package of regular cream cheese, and you’ll need to make a visit to your local craft store. Yes sir, this gift will require you to visit the craft store, which is my second-least favorite store to go to with my wife behind Victora’s Secret (I hate waiting around while she tries stuff on and all the women in the store look at me suspiciously like I’m a perv), but love requires sacrifice. I like going to Hobby Lobby because the prices seem a little lower and they offer coupons on their website every now and then. Buy a package of 1lb candy wafers and a candy dipping tool set, which should set you back about $5.

For this recipe, I’m making two types of balls: regular Oreo covered with milk chocolate, and Cool Mint Oreo covered with dark chocolate. In my experience, women seem to like dark chocolate better.

Throw a row or so of Oreos inside your food processor

About to get crushed

and let that bad boy go

Whiiiiiiirrrrrrrrr

After about 2 minutes, it should have this consistency:

Super fine

Note: That’s D1’s hand – my hand isn’t that tiny/my bowl isn’t that big.

Setting aside 3 Oreos, crush the rest. If you get bored, make cheesy shapes in the Oreos:

I Heart You

Now throw the Oreos you set aside in there and pulse for a minute or so – you want these to be coarse since they will be used as toppings.

The Three Oreos

And here it is:

Not so fine

I repeated the above steps for the Cool Mint Oreos as well.

Neon green stuffing

And you’re done with that step:

Phase 1: complete

Now for the mushing! Throw the package of cream cheese in the bowl and start rubbing it together to form the batter.

Mush

Giant Oreo ball

Now for the fun part: forming your balls! Most other sites will tell you to make uniform 1″ balls. Pffffttt – all guys know that no two balls are the same size.

"They're bigger than I expected"

You can even make fun balls, like hearts and Hershey’s Kisses. Can you find the fun balls below?

"I can't help but notice, Pop, your balls are a little misshapen"

Once you’re done, throw the baking sheet in the freezer for 20-30 minutes. Since I was making two batches, I threw this in the freezer and made the second batch. Once I was done making balls out of the second batch, the first batch was ready for dipping.

Now it’s puberty time for your balls: drop them…into chocolate. Melt the chocolate per the instructions on the package and dip the balls using the dipping tool. Microwaving the chocolate is about the closest thing to cooking you do in this recipe.

"Oooh, I like the way your balls smell"

Then place the dipped balls on your baking sheet.

"My balls are tender"

And there’s my first mistake. You have to put the crumbled bits on top immediately after transferring to the baking sheet, otherwise, they won’t stick. See?

"No one can resist my balls"

Keep repeating this for the rest of the balls.

BALLS!!!

Keep going….

Kisses among the balls

If you coudn’t tell, I’ve really enjoyed captioning this post. BALLS BALLS BALLS!

Aside from the crumbles, you can also decorate the balls by drizzling some chocolate on top. These are the cool mint Oreos covered in dark chocolate drizzled with milk chocolate.

Fo' drizzle my nizzle

Now put all that into a container and refrigerate until you present your valentine with your balls.

Your balls, madam

Now be honest, is your mouth watering thinking about my balls? And who wouldn’t want to put these balls in their mouth? (Make sure you click that last link if most of the jokes/innuendo in this post didn’t make sense. It’ll be well worth your while).

Good times. Good times.

Bake, Pop, Bake: “Healthy” Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies

What’s gotten into me? I’ve been baking stuff the last few weeks. And not just merely adding eggs, water, and oil to what Betty Crocker prepares; I’m making stuff from scratch.

I used to dislike baking for 3 reasons: 1) I sucked at it, and concluded that testosterone limits baking abilities, 2) parchment paper was EXPENSIVE and felt so wasteful–show of hands, anyone else try to reuse a sheet of parchment paper only to burn your cookies? and 3) I LOVE sweets, esp. brownies and soft/chewy cookies, and all the recipes I find yield something like 30-60 cookies, which means I’m tempting myself w/ diabetic shock. So why do I like it now?

1) Got this book from the library and it explained baking.

Apparently, like the super secret Chinese menu at restaurants, which has all the really good food, bakers have their own lingo and their own secrets. For example, if you use cold butter, your cookies will probably be flat b/c not enough air is whipped into the butter. But they don’t state this outright in most recipes; they simply state: combine wet ingredients, then whip in the dry ingredients.

2) My wife recently bought the Silpat, which is essentially reusable parchment paper and that really appeals to my Asian sensibilities (read: cheapness).

So I adapted their recipe for thick and chewy chocolate chip cookies (p. 777) and they turned out REALLY good, IMHO.