The Secret To A Successful Marriage
People often ask me what the secret to a successful marriage is. Ok, so maybe no one’s asked me but aren’t you just a bit curious? Ok, so yeah, I’ve only been married for 6 years so saying that I’ve got the secret at this point in the game may cause some to call me the Desean Jackson of marriages
So I guess you could call this The Secret To 6 Years (and counting…) of Successful Marriage post.
Anywho, terribly unprovocative lead paragraph aside, I love my wife and I still firmly believe that the #1 thing I can do to become a better dad is to be a better husband. And with this guiding principle and my secret ingredient, each year of marriage has been better than the last and we still look forward to growing old together. Right, honey? Honey…?
So what’s the secret? It’s not an awesome sex life, though that helps. It’s not regular date nights, which help the likelihood of said sex life and thereby your marriage. It’s not a woman who is submissive as some misguided Christians might say. It’s not a husband who completes his Honey-Do list in a timely fashion, though that also helps. So what is it?
You know the saying: you are what you eat? If you want to be fit and healthy you need to eat
bacon good food. My secret to 6 years (and counting…) of a successful marriage is feeding my soul on positive things about my wife.
Granted, that sounds incredibly hippyish, but it works.
Let’s be honest, it’s a lot more fun to be negative. We love sensational, scandalous stories. Our newscasts are usually filled with 85% bad news, 10% weather & sports, and a feel good story tossed in there as an aside. We love gossip. But other than passing the time and maybe a few laughs at others expense, there isn’t much good that comes out of it. And feed your mind and soul enough bad news and we become fearful, anxious, angry, and crotchety – like this guy.
The same goes for my marriage. There were so many occasions I focused on what my wife wasn’t doing or what she lacked. I often compared her to other women or what I envisioned my ideal wife to be like when I played MASH many, many years ago. And what was the fruit of all of that? It wasn’t my wife changing, I’ll tell you that. The catalyst for change isn’t preaching; it’s usually love.
So rather than focusing on what she lacks, I like to focus on the courage and strength she has to wake up every day and love, support, and care for a
unlovable guy like myself. I remind myself how she makes me laugh and how she laughs at my jokes even when I know they’re not actually funny. I see how much she loves our kids and would be willing to give up her career to provide what we believe will be the best education for them.
Now this might seem somewhat similar to the power of positive thinking but it’s different in that it’s grounded in reality. Most positive thinking things I’ve read encourage you to think and anticipate positive outcomes and in doing so, they’ll come about. That can be delusional. If that were the case, my wife would constantly think, “I believe my husband will stop leaving his dirty underwear on the floor and stop trying to make advances at me when I’m dead tired after a long day.” Guess what? No amount of positive thinking will stop that.
And the fruit of all this hippyishness? I fall more and more in love with my wife every day.
What about you? What’s your secret to a successful marriage?