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Expectancy Lost?

November 29, 2011 Leave a comment Go to comments

“Here they are! I told you I’d find them!”
“Where’d you find them”
“In the bin I told you they’d be in. There’s one left.”
“Is it expired?”
(checking) “Nope. And besides, it’s just a test strip. May as well give it a try – these things are expensive.”
“Alright. Here we go.”

a few minutes later…

“Ok. So I think I see a second line. Do you?”
“Kind of…it’s really faint though…hey, it’s kind of getting darker!”
“Do you really think we could be…”
“Do you feel like you are?”
“Not really but it’s been over a month and a half since my last one.”
“Well, you can call me Cookie Monster because that’s good enough for me!”

a few weeks later…

“Feels so surreal to be back here again.”
“Yeah…Oh look, a boy and girl were born today.”
“This sure is a lot of paperwork…”

a little while later…

“Ok…so it looks like you are about 9 weeks along. So we’ll see you back here in 3 weeks.”
“Thank you!”


“I really don’t feel pregnant at all…”
“Well you know, birth centers do minimal testing so we should be able to hear the heartbeat at the next appointment.”

three weeks later…

“Yay, we get to hear the heartbeat today!”
“Yeah, that woosh woosh woosh never gets old.”
“This sure is a lot of paperwork…”

a few moments later…

“So we have so and so here, she’s in training. Would you be ok with her helping us out today?”
trainee goes through the list of questions and begins the physical exam…
“Ok, so it looks like you’re a little over 12 weeks along. We’ll need you to undress and here’s something to cover up with.”

a few moments later…

knock knock
“Come in”

“ok…where are ya baby?”

“Hmmmmm…I can’t seem to find the heartbeat…maybe you (midwife) could try”

“Hmmmmm…I can’t seem to find it either……..have you had any bleeding?”
“Ok, well, maybe we couldn’t hear it with this doppler, would you mind us trying a vaginal doppler?”
“Not at all”
“Ok, we’ll be right back…”

knock knock
“Come in”
“Ok, let’s give this one a try…”

“Hmmmmm…I still can’t find it.”

looks around for what seems to me like an eternity…

“Ok. Well we don’t have a heartbeat…You can go ahead and get dressed and we’ll be right back.”

a few moments later…

“So there are a number of reasons why we may not have found a heartbeat…so we’re going to send you for an ultrasound. If everything is normal, we’ll see you back here in a month. If there’s a problem, we’ll need to see you immediately to take care of you.”
some other stuff that I assume is what midwives/doctors are supposed to say in this situation but I don’t remember any of it…
“Well…we wish for the best.”
“…thank you…”

After a moment with my wife, I looked at my watch and saw that it was now 4:58pm. I hurriedly rushed out of there to call the radiology centers as fast as I could, assuming they closed at 5.

Categories: Family Tags: ,
  1. November 29, 2011 at 10:07 pm

    Oh, wow. My heart goes out to you, because no matter how this story ends, it is not an easy experience. Hoping and praying for you, and I know that you know that God is mindful of you and your family, and He loves you. Hang in there.

  2. November 30, 2011 at 10:23 am

    Waiting to hear the results, truly…I think there’s another blog in my e-mail to read!

    • Pop
      November 30, 2011 at 10:27 am

      Yeah, I didn’t want to keep anyone hanging for too long.

  3. November 30, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    OMG! You sure know how to write a nail biter. I went from “Ahh! So happy!” to “What happens next? WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?!” Here’s hoping you are doing okay, whatever the results.

  1. November 30, 2011 at 4:30 pm

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