Home > Parenting > Do’s and Don’ts of Weddings: A Guide for Parents

Do’s and Don’ts of Weddings: A Guide for Parents

Ahhhh, spring. A major snow storm is about to hit the North East Warmer weather, al fresco dining, people watching, and love is in the air in the form of plant sperm. And as usual around this time of year, we are getting invite after invite to various weddings and anticipating more as the year progresses. Now there are certain rules for attending a wedding that apply to everyone: send in the RSVP, resist the urge to wear your tuxedo shirt, don’t wear a white dress, show up on time, get a gift, and tipping at the open bar stand out to me. But I believe there should be a set of rules for parents as well. So if you’re a new parent and you’re invited to a wedding, consider this your guide.

DO attend the wedding. Remember when you were dating (no? Me neither) and some of your friends would bite the dust get married and once they got married you never saw them again? And if they had kids shortly thereafter? You definitely never saw them again. And remember how you swore to yourselves you wouldn’t become one of those couples who isolates themselves and does nothing but spend time with their kids? (No? Me neither). Well this is your opportunity to show that you’re still hip (do kids even use that word these days? Did I just suddenly become unhip by using that word?). That invite means that some couple feels obligated to invite you thinks you’re still cool!
DON’T bring your kids. I know, I know. Junior(s) and/or princess(es) is/are the cutest thing(s) in the world. I know, I know. The video of them you posted on Facebook or Youtube has even gotten 4 comments, 3 likes, and 75 views, and you’re thisclose to monetizing their cuteness. I know. But guess what?! Unless there’s already a bun in the oven (can’t entirely rule that out, btw), the bride and groom likely aren’t thinking of having babies; they’re thinking about all the sex they’re going to have. Or maybe that was just me? And they don’t need any more reminders of why they don’t want to have kids.

DO get a babysitter. Yeah, it’s expensive. Yeah, you may not entirely trust them but…
DON’T forget about the open bar. There’s usually a lot of wine at weddings. If that hasn’t convinced you, I don’t know what will.

DO enjoy yourselves. Shhhhhh…do you hear that? It’s called adult conversation! I know, I know. It’s easy to forget what that sounds like. And shhhhhhh…do you hear that? Yup. That’s a baby crying because some parents didn’t follow DON’T #1. At this point, DO speak up and shout, “WILL SOMEONE CALM THAT BABY DOWN! SHEESH!!!” As a parent, that opportunity doesn’t come around often – do not miss that golden opportunity.
DON’T be surprised when you’re seated at the table with the other parents and if your table is all the way in the back. See? It’s because brides and grooms are wising up – they know us parents can be ghetto and will bring our kids everywhere and that some parents even view the words: “no kids, please” as a challenge. See parents? Only we can ensure that we all get to enjoy a night out with an open bar without the kids.

DO hit the dance floor. So your hips are a little wider than they used to be. So the top button on your shirt is hanging on for dear life as your 3rd chin constantly applies pressure and your necktie is increasingly feeling like a noose. Who cares? Show them younguns how it’s done.
DON’T forget to stretch afterward.

What about you? If you’re a parent, what are some rules you follow for weddings? If you’re a newlywed, what are some ghetto things parents have done?

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  1. KLZ
    March 31, 2011 at 10:25 am

    Do avoid the open bar. Your tolerance ain’t what it once was.

    So bring a flask instead – that way you are the only one who knows how much you had. Suckers.

    • Pop
      March 31, 2011 at 12:56 pm

      This is true. Even sniffing alcohol is enough for me these days.

  2. March 31, 2011 at 10:25 am

    Very, very good rules, Pop.

    I’m allowed to wear a white dress, though, right?

    Wedding season is a busy time for me as a serial masturbator an organist, and I can tell you those that follow the rules you stated are always the ones who enjoy the wedding the most.

    The last of my single friends is getting married this summer…I’m sure I’ll have a little wave of second weddings, but it’s weird to think that the tsunami is over. And, yeah, despite the best efforts, you never keep up with people like you should have.

    • Pop
      March 31, 2011 at 12:57 pm

      Only if you don’t have the same white dress I do.

  3. March 31, 2011 at 10:28 am

    This was so funny!! I don’t remember dating either. LOL

    • Pop
      March 31, 2011 at 12:57 pm

      What’s dating? Is that when two people go out and do romantic things? Sound vaguely familiar.

  4. March 31, 2011 at 12:52 pm

    Adult conversation…? What is this that you speak of?? I have a vague recollection…but it is faint…

    • Pop
      March 31, 2011 at 12:58 pm

      Well, it’s somewhat similar to what you may be used to: parent conversation – where two adults talk endlessly about their kids. But get this: they don’t talk about their kids!!! CRAZY RIGHT?!?!?!

  5. TK
    March 31, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    A wedding is guaranteed to uncute and unfunny my otherwise adorable kiddos. No one wants to be apart of that.

    • Pop
      April 1, 2011 at 9:21 am

      Definitely. Except the ring bearer and flower girl – they’re allowed.

  6. liz
    April 1, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    I grew up in a place where kids didn’t come to weddings, but my husband’s hometown was the opposite. Because of that, we invited kids to our wedding. Then when I was asked to stand up in a wedding that required me to fly from Mem to Jersey…with a 5 month old, I was pissed. Regardless of local custom, I think a bride and groom need to be thoughtful of their wedding party and travel arrangements when it comes to stuff like inviting kids.

    Clearly, this is just me being bitter against my cousin. 🙂 In general, I would prefer to not bring kids along if I had a sitter.

    • Pop
      April 4, 2011 at 9:43 am

      “In general, I would prefer to not bring kids along if I had a sitter.”

      In general, I think that applies to EVERYTHING 😛

  7. April 1, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    TToo funny!

    I’m visiting from the Ultimate Blog Party!

    Knitting blog party post

    Book Review Party Post

    • Pop
      April 4, 2011 at 9:43 am

      Thanks for stopping by!

  8. April 2, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    I’m getting married in 6 weeks and I LOVE this advice! I wish everyone would take these rules for every wedding! Stopping by from UBP 11!

    Kari.
    http://www.morganandkari.com

    • Pop
      April 4, 2011 at 9:45 am

      6 weeks? Congrats! Good luck with last minute preparations!

  9. April 5, 2011 at 12:22 am

    Man, as neither a parent nor a newlywed I now have no idea what to do at a wedding!

    • Pop
      April 7, 2011 at 9:25 am

      Mingle with the other non-parents/newlyweds 😛

  10. April 5, 2011 at 12:56 pm

    I’ve seen your comments on other blogs and am sorry it’s taken me so long to visit here because I just love your posts.

    Agree with you on all fronts: wedding attendance (Hooray open bar!); appreciating your spouse; claiming early victory in marital success.

    Love seeing the man’s/dad’s point of view. Thanks for sharing, Pop –

    I’ll be back…

    • Pop
      April 7, 2011 at 9:25 am

      Thanks for stopping by, Julie!

  11. April 6, 2011 at 12:29 am

    Great post! Love your humor!! I’d like to shush other people’s babies!! What are they thinking??? 🙂 LOL Just kidding, I just feel bad for the poor chaps who couldnt find a babysitter!

    • Pop
      April 7, 2011 at 9:26 am

      lol. We’ve all thought it at some point, especially at fancy restaurants when we did bother to get a sitter.

  12. April 6, 2011 at 11:38 am

    great post. We’ve skipped a lot of weddings because we can’t afford the sitter etc. But have a blast when we are able to go

    • Pop
      April 7, 2011 at 9:27 am

      Definitely. Thankfully, we’ve found sitters for the weddings we’ve got coming up. But money for the gifts? That’s a whole nother issue.

  13. April 6, 2011 at 10:01 pm

    you are so wise. Thank God I’m way beyond our friend’s “marrying years” – soon I’ll be using a walker and telling people to get the hell out of my way, I need a VO & Soda!

    • Pop
      April 7, 2011 at 9:28 am

      lol. Just make sure you get a hip replacement before the wedding so you can still hit the dance floor.

  14. April 7, 2011 at 3:50 pm

    I don’t understand why your local hometown doesn’t offer you a weekly columnist spot called “Gopopgo: A Samoan Ponders.”

  15. April 7, 2011 at 3:51 pm

    And don’t make “Ponders” into a dirty verb, either.

    s

  16. April 7, 2011 at 3:51 pm

    and forget the floating s.

    Was just about to swear at ya.

    • Pop
      April 21, 2011 at 8:48 am

      Getting cussed out by the Empress. I feel honored.

  17. April 7, 2011 at 4:07 pm

    Wish I’d read this before we went to the wedding with my daughter when she was 10 months old. But it was an out-of-town wedding and we didn’t have anyone to watch her so we had to, but it was awkward being the ONLY one to have a kid there. Like we broke some kind of cardinal sin by bringing her, even though she did behave well and didn’t fuss at all.

    OK, Pop, next time, no babies. But thankfully we don’t have many friends or family getting married anytime soon so we’re safe. For now at least.

    • Pop
      April 21, 2011 at 8:48 am

      That’s really good for you (and your wallet) 😛

  18. April 20, 2011 at 9:00 pm

    Hi Pop! I enjoy reading your dad posts so much I just awarded you with the Stylish Blogger Award. Find the details at http://mydailycow.wordpress.com/2011/04/20/stylish-blogger-award-for-daily-cows-every-day-pass-the-baton/

    • Pop
      April 21, 2011 at 8:49 am

      Thanks!

  19. April 21, 2011 at 1:09 am

    March was the last time you posted. Shame on you.

    • Pop
      April 21, 2011 at 8:49 am

      Has it really been that long? I guess I’m blogstipated.

  1. April 21, 2011 at 9:28 am

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