Do’s and Don’ts of Weddings: A Guide for Parents
A major snow storm is about to hit the North East Warmer weather, al fresco dining, people watching, and love is in the air in the form of plant sperm. And as usual around this time of year, we are getting invite after invite to various weddings and anticipating more as the year progresses. Now there are certain rules for attending a wedding that apply to everyone: send in the RSVP, resist the urge to wear your tuxedo shirt, don’t wear a white dress, show up on time, get a gift, and tipping at the open bar stand out to me. But I believe there should be a set of rules for parents as well. So if you’re a new parent and you’re invited to a wedding, consider this your guide.
DO attend the wedding. Remember when you were dating (no? Me neither) and some of your friends would
bite the dust get married and once they got married you never saw them again? And if they had kids shortly thereafter? You definitely never saw them again. And remember how you swore to yourselves you wouldn’t become one of those couples who isolates themselves and does nothing but spend time with their kids? (No? Me neither). Well this is your opportunity to show that you’re still hip (do kids even use that word these days? Did I just suddenly become unhip by using that word?). That invite means that some couple feels obligated to invite you thinks you’re still cool!
DON’T bring your kids. I know, I know. Junior(s) and/or princess(es) is/are the cutest thing(s) in the world. I know, I know. The video of them you posted on Facebook or Youtube has even gotten 4 comments, 3 likes, and 75 views, and you’re thisclose to monetizing their cuteness. I know. But guess what?! Unless there’s already a bun in the oven (can’t entirely rule that out, btw), the bride and groom likely aren’t thinking of having babies; they’re thinking about all the sex they’re going to have. Or maybe that was just me? And they don’t need any more reminders of why they don’t want to have kids.
DO get a babysitter. Yeah, it’s expensive. Yeah, you may not entirely trust them but…
DON’T forget about the open bar. There’s usually a lot of wine at weddings. If that hasn’t convinced you, I don’t know what will.
DO enjoy yourselves. Shhhhhh…do you hear that? It’s called adult conversation! I know, I know. It’s easy to forget what that sounds like. And shhhhhhh…do you hear that? Yup. That’s a baby crying because some parents didn’t follow DON’T #1. At this point, DO speak up and shout, “WILL SOMEONE CALM THAT BABY DOWN! SHEESH!!!” As a parent, that opportunity doesn’t come around often – do not miss that golden opportunity.
DON’T be surprised when you’re seated at the table with the other parents and if your table is all the way in the back. See? It’s because brides and grooms are wising up – they know us parents can be ghetto and will bring our kids everywhere and that some parents even view the words: “no kids, please” as a challenge. See parents? Only we can ensure that we all get to enjoy a night out
with an open bar without the kids.
DO hit the dance floor. So your hips are a little wider than they used to be. So the top button on your shirt is hanging on for dear life as your 3rd chin constantly applies pressure and your necktie is increasingly feeling like a noose. Who cares? Show them younguns how it’s done.
DON’T forget to stretch afterward.
What about you? If you’re a parent, what are some rules you follow for weddings? If you’re a newlywed, what are some ghetto things parents have done?