Things I Learned This Past Week
Between Disney Princesses on Ice, D1’s 3rd birthday and
Singlehood Awareness Day Valentine’s Day, this past week was filled with activity, and I managed to learn a few things along the way.
- 9/11 was really good for stadium vendors – Not to make light of the tragic events of that day, but stadium vendors have to be grateful b/c 1) every bag is searched in the name of security and 2) dangerous items that can be used to commit acts of terror like bottles of water and snacks for your kids are forcibly removed. So they end up with a stadium full of parents with hungry, thirsty and whiny kids and they’re able to charge $4 for a bottle of water, $10 for a bucket of peanuts or popcorn and $12 for cotton candy. Sunummabish!
- There Needs to Be A Daddy/Mommy Flask – the only thing they allow you to bring into the stadium/arena, is formula or breastmilk, which makes me think – why hasn’t some entrepreneur capitalized on a potentially lucrative market by selling what looks like bottles of formula filled with liquor? Think of it as the Daddy/Mommy flask. Seriously. What parent wouldn’t take a swig or two (or ten) of the bottle during Disney on Ice? And I’d gladly suckle on a bottle for that goodness – just make sure the nipple isn’t slow flow.
- Walt Disney Presents The Racketeer – Imagine several hundred little girls, all dressed in officially licensed Disney Princess dresses, clamoring for their dad to buy them crappy pieces of plastic that light up for $12 and plastic tiaras for $6. Now imagine the dads looking over at their daughter and smiling, then glancing at the vendor with a look that says, “How do you sleep at night?”, then a glance at their daughter, then back to the vendor as they fork over wads of cash.
- Disney Songs Are Awesome – I don’t care how many man points I lose for admitting this nor am I ashamed to admit that I was tapping my feet during Under the Sea. If you grew up in the 80s and 90s, you can’t tell me these lyrics don’t evoke fond memories/won’t get stuck in your head: “Don’t you dare close your eyes. A hundred thousand things to see
Hold your breath it gets better” “Try the grey stuff it’s delicious. Don’t believe me? Ask the dishes” “Strollin’ along down the…what’s that word again? Street. Up where they walk, up where they run, up where they stay all day in the sun”
- Party Blowers Always Seem Like A Good Idea – until you hear that high-pitched BRRRRRRRRR BRRRRRRRR BRRRRRRRRRRRR on endless repeat for half an hour and then you go to snap the blower in half only to realize it’s made out of paper and is unbreakable, BRRRRRRRRRRR BRRRRRRRRRRRRR BRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
- Don’t Tell Your Kid You’re Having Cake – they won’t eat anything else.
- Balloons Are A PAIN to Take Home – my brother-in-law bought balloons for D1’s birthday, which she absolutely loved. Driving home with said balloons sucked. Also, seeing a giant Dora in your rear-view mirror late at night can be startling.
- You Can Call Me Marty Freakin’ Stewart – for Valentine’s Day, I had the day off so I made my wife’s favorite Trader Joe’s 17 bean soup, made some ice cream using the Cusinart Ice Cream Maker my sister got me for my birthday, and brown velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting (red velvet minus the food coloring).
- There’s A Reason They Call It Red Velvet – sure, the cupcakes tasted good, but only if your eyes were closed.
- There’s Such A Thing As Too Much of A Good Thing – I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE cream cheese frosting. I used to state boldly, “I’d happily eat a whole bowl.” Well, Valentine’s Day was my opportunity. I made WAY too much frosting and had a significant amount leftover. It played out like this scene from Ace Ventura:
First spoon: YUM! Second Spoon: heart starts to slow a bit, starting to feel a little numb. Third Spoon: Three spoons is too much.
What about you? What did you learn this past week? Could you eat more than three spoonfuls of cream cheese frosting?