The Cons of Procreation
I love my kids. I really do.
But as I wrote (in epic Haiku form no less) about a year ago, every now and then, I wish I didn’t have kids. Or at least God would’ve provided a gift receipt.
Having two kids now, I feel that way more frequently. Why?
1) Our sedan has now become a 2 seater. Sure, carseats should be thick and padded for protection, but is there a reason they need to be as wide as the fat kid from high school you’d have to give rides to who weighed down the back of you car to the point your front wheels are barely touching the asphalt? (I may or may not have been that kid).
2) This scenario plays out far too often – my wife or I have to run into the store to pick something up, so the other is left in the car with the two kids, one of whom is really, really tired. The other kid? Wide awake. Without fail, the one that’s awake begins to talk/coo, then after a minute or two, begins to yell/cry, which wakes up the other kid. The other kid then begins to cry and the first kid, who didn’t send out an evite for the crying party, loudly protests that the other is crying. For the next minute or so, they take turns crying at each other, like a mating ritual of shrieking bats. And then, they both wail and now, hell is no longer a concept or something far off – no, hell is now contained in a sedan that has been converted into a 2 seater. Rare is the occasion when both kids are tired at the same time.
3) D2 attacks – not only does she invade D1’s territory and put ALL of D1’s toys and books in her mouth, but when D1 goes to hug her, D2 grabs onto her hair. Actually, grab isn’t a strong enough word. Kung Fu grip is more like it and I practically need the Jaws of Life to pry D1’s hair from the incredible grip.
4) Sleep – or lack thereof. For the past 6 months, D2 has been sleeping in our room in a Pack ‘n Play. We’ve recently decided to have her sleep in her crib, which is in D1’s room. #2 above pretty much plays out. ALL. NIGHT. LONG.
5) Running errands alone is a dicey proposition. Ever see a dude pushing a shopping cart in one hand and a stroller in the other? No? Then you’ve never seen me out grocery shopping with the kids. Just do the math – 2 kids, 2 hands. You can see the dilemma. Which reminds me of my stupid kid’s invention: the back sack. There are all kinds of baby carriers out there but NONE that allow you to carry two kids at once. So what’s a dad, who wants to run errands but doesn’t want the headache of carrying two kids to do?!
TADA! The back sack (or sac – I can’t decide). It’s a baby carrier that allows a dad to carry both kids on his back in two side-by-side sacks – I’d show you an MS Paint model I’ve drawn up, but this is a family blog. Sound dangerous?! You forget that we men carry around side-by-side jewels in the front all day, everyday, so of course, we’d treat our “jewels” in the back sack with the utmost of care.
What’s that you say? Why not just use a double stroller? Pfffttt. Too practical.
So now that I have two kids, those are the 5 cons of procreation I can come up with.
But no matter how terrible some days are, having multiple kids is a joy. I could (and have) watch them make each other laugh all day. Seeing D1 share with D2 and say nice things to her makes my heart melt. And when one kid annoys you, you can simply focus your attention on the other kid.
What about you? What were your toughest challenges when you had another kid? Would you buy a back sack?