Home > Parenting > The Cons of Procreation

The Cons of Procreation

January 21, 2011 Leave a comment Go to comments

I love my kids. I really do.

But as I wrote (in epic Haiku form no less) about a year ago, every now and then, I wish I didn’t have kids. Or at least God would’ve provided a gift receipt.

Having two kids now, I feel that way more frequently. Why?

1) Our sedan has now become a 2 seater. Sure, carseats should be thick and padded for protection, but is there a reason they need to be as wide as the fat kid from high school you’d have to give rides to who weighed down the back of you car to the point your front wheels are barely touching the asphalt? (I may or may not have been that kid).

2) This scenario plays out far too often – my wife or I have to run into the store to pick something up, so the other is left in the car with the two kids, one of whom is really, really tired. The other kid? Wide awake. Without fail, the one that’s awake begins to talk/coo, then after a minute or two, begins to yell/cry, which wakes up the other kid. The other kid then begins to cry and the first kid, who didn’t send out an evite for the crying party, loudly protests that the other is crying. For the next minute or so, they take turns crying at each other, like a mating ritual of shrieking bats. And then, they both wail and now, hell is no longer a concept or something far off – no, hell is now contained in a sedan that has been converted into a 2 seater. Rare is the occasion when both kids are tired at the same time.

3) D2 attacks – not only does she invade D1’s territory and put ALL of D1’s toys and books in her mouth, but when D1 goes to hug her, D2 grabs onto her hair. Actually, grab isn’t a strong enough word. Kung Fu grip is more like it and I practically need the Jaws of Life to pry D1’s hair from the incredible grip.

4) Sleep – or lack thereof. For the past 6 months, D2 has been sleeping in our room in a Pack ‘n Play. We’ve recently decided to have her sleep in her crib, which is in D1’s room. #2 above pretty much plays out. ALL. NIGHT. LONG.

5) Running errands alone is a dicey proposition. Ever see a dude pushing a shopping cart in one hand and a stroller in the other? No? Then you’ve never seen me out grocery shopping with the kids. Just do the math – 2 kids, 2 hands. You can see the dilemma. Which reminds me of my stupid kid’s invention: the back sack. There are all kinds of baby carriers out there but NONE that allow you to carry two kids at once. So what’s a dad, who wants to run errands but doesn’t want the headache of carrying two kids to do?!

TADA! The back sack (or sac – I can’t decide). It’s a baby carrier that allows a dad to carry both kids on his back in two side-by-side sacks – I’d show you an MS Paint model I’ve drawn up, but this is a family blog. Sound dangerous?! You forget that we men carry around side-by-side jewels in the front all day, everyday, so of course, we’d treat our “jewels” in the back sack with the utmost of care.

What’s that you say? Why not just use a double stroller? Pfffttt. Too practical.

So now that I have two kids, those are the 5 cons of procreation I can come up with.

But no matter how terrible some days are, having multiple kids is a joy. I could (and have) watch them make each other laugh all day. Seeing D1 share with D2 and say nice things to her makes my heart melt. And when one kid annoys you, you can simply focus your attention on the other kid.

What about you? What were your toughest challenges when you had another kid? Would you buy a back sack?

Advertisements
Categories: Parenting Tags: , , ,
  1. Joxy
    January 21, 2011 at 12:39 pm

    It gets easier the more children you have. I’ve got three. One of the two previous statements might not be entirely accurate. You decide.

    • Pop
      January 21, 2011 at 1:04 pm

      It gets easier the more children you have, eh? I wonder if there’s a threshold for that? For example, it can’t be easy for octomom, but then again, she’s a little crazy so maybe that’s a bad data point.

  2. KLZ
    January 21, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    Stroller + shopping cart = suicide attempt.

    So, I hear ya.

    • Pop
      January 21, 2011 at 1:04 pm

      Speaking of hands, all those strollers that advertise one-hand folding? LIES! ALL LIES!!! I need at least 2 hands and one foot.

  3. January 21, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    I feel ya. All of these things happen to us too. I got so frustrated on a trip to Target I actually told them, “the refund counter takes kids that are misbehaving and not listening to their mommy and daddys so if you want to come home with me, you better knock it off”. That scared them straight for a couple minutes. I know, mean mommy. Sometimes, I’d love a gift receipt. I wrote something like this on my blog today, check it out.

    • Pop
      January 21, 2011 at 1:59 pm

      I’d gladly take store credit.

      Actually, your entry was far more lovely than mine. Mine just seems like complaining with some Awwww-ness thrown in haphazardly at the end. πŸ˜›

  4. January 21, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    I don’t want to make you feel worse but I am finally out of the car seat stage and well on my way to a 2-door again! I am so excited to get rid of the sedan!!

    I do wish my kid had a sibling though because as much as they fight they entertain each other too.

    • Pop
      January 21, 2011 at 2:01 pm

      It’s soooooooo worth it when they entertain each other. And when they get older and (hopefully) become best friends, that’ll free me up to do other stuff.

  5. Tu-Van
    January 21, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    But what if both kids get too big to be carried on your back at the same time? Wouldn’t two kids be heavy to back carry? Don’t blame you for wanting one – better kid control…

    • Pop
      January 21, 2011 at 2:02 pm

      The boys in the front get kinda big too, from time to time. TMI? πŸ˜›

  6. liz
    January 21, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    With 2 girls, it’s the piercing screaming ALL DAY. I really feel like if one of them was a boy, the volume and octaves reached would be much less.

    • Pop
      January 21, 2011 at 2:03 pm

      This is true. And D2’s lung capacity is increasing, to my ear’s dismay.

  7. January 21, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    Well I only have one and he may have broken the mould…so on that note…

    • Pop
      January 22, 2011 at 11:53 am

      Looks like both of our kids are mould breakers~

  8. January 21, 2011 at 3:19 pm

    My boys fight constantly. That’s my largest obstacle right now. They rarely play alone or together. It’s just constant fighting. I would rather one play in one room and the other in another room. But it doesn’t happen.

    • Pop
      January 22, 2011 at 11:55 am

      So that’s what it would’ve been like with a brother. I TRIED to fight my sister, but she would never fight back and would just run to her room and play with her dolls.

  9. January 21, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    Don’t give in to those “double stroller” people – they’re clearly working for the man. Or for an individual man. I’m not exactly sure, I don’t quite have men down yet.

    • Pop
      January 22, 2011 at 11:57 am

      I’m certainly not the man, and I’m not sure what else the man does, other than dictate what others should do. Hey…actually, it sounds an awful like The Man is actually The Woman.

      • January 24, 2011 at 12:22 pm

        Oh Pop… you’re better than that.

        • Pop
          January 26, 2011 at 10:02 am

          Better than what? Making lame jokes? Better than the woman? There’s a reason why I call her my better half. πŸ™‚

  10. January 21, 2011 at 5:03 pm

    Sleep. It taunts me. Just while I’m at the edges of it’s heavenly bliss, someone screams or pisses the bed or pokes me in the eye.

    • Pop
      January 22, 2011 at 12:00 pm

      My wife & I like to play Parenting Chicken – we both lay there and pretend we’re sleeping to see who’ll wake up first. She usually wins.

  11. January 21, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    In the car I have learned to tune them out completely. I just go to my happy place and pass back snacks. When they ask me if I’m ignoring them, I just nod. You’ll get there too.

    • Pop
      January 22, 2011 at 12:01 pm

      Can’t get there soon enough.

      This reminds me of my other parenting product idea: a privacy window for your minivan, like in limo’s, that way, you can’t hear your kids at all.

  12. TK
    January 21, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    I have the same complaint about my sedan being turned into a two seater. Why do car seats have to be so flippin’ wide? It’s a conspiracy by the car-makers to force us buy minivans.

    • Pop
      January 22, 2011 at 12:02 pm

      You know – you’re probably right! I never thought about that. And as if to assuage us, they have a marketing campaign calling them swagger wagons. Trust me – if you’ve got kids, you’ve got no swagger left.

  13. mommyofamonster
    January 21, 2011 at 7:35 pm

    I’ve finally got mom ear and learned to tune them out. I never understood how my sister’s used to do it. Now that I have kids, I understand.

    And you’re right – the car doesn’t really belong to us after kids. Sigh.

    • Pop
      January 22, 2011 at 12:02 pm

      Haha! I love mom/dad ear! It’s funny when we hang out with our friends without kids in any place with a lot of kids. They go nuts with all the yelling and screaming – for us? It’s white noise.

  14. Veronica
    January 21, 2011 at 9:11 pm

    #2 kills me…and makes me thankful I don’t have kids. πŸ˜‰ This was hilarious and also sweet–great post!

    • Pop
      January 22, 2011 at 12:03 pm

      Yes, yes. Consider this the Birth Control post. πŸ˜›

  15. kim
    January 22, 2011 at 6:30 pm

    It only gets easier w/ more kids because you do lose more of your mind, you’ve given in to the insanity, and you’ve got more tricks. And are meaner. I used to tote 2 carts in the grocery store — easier than a cart and a stroller. Push one, pull the other. Stop and shop. Push and pull. Stop and shop. Get adoring looks and ‘you go ahead, you have your hands full’ from other shoppers. AND you have the dad card. AWESOME. πŸ™‚

    • Pop
      January 26, 2011 at 10:08 am

      Yes, the dad card rocks! Though I’m pretty sure it has an expiration date that is fast approaching. I’m positive it expires when D1 becomes a teen, but I hope it gets me through the elementary school years.

  16. January 24, 2011 at 1:40 am

    Don’t worry. Soon you’ll be worrying about the cost of the cell phone plan and who they’re driving around with and you’ll have an entirely DIFFERENT list.

    There. I made it all better, didn’t I?

    • Pop
      January 26, 2011 at 10:09 am

      For such a bright avatar, you sure do bring the gloomy.

      But yes, I guess from 0-12, kids help you lose your mind, and then from that point on, they help you lost all your money.

      And any woman in her 20s who just read this has now checked to ensure she took her bc pill today.

  17. January 24, 2011 at 11:48 am

    Oh boy. Number 2 joins us in May – you’re not helping with my anxiety here πŸ˜‰

    • Pop
      January 26, 2011 at 10:09 am

      haha. Don’t worry, Justine. It’s tough but it’s SOOOO great! Most of the time. πŸ˜›

  18. January 24, 2011 at 3:51 pm

    Where do I sign up for the Back Sac? Not because I have two kids (I don’t) but because I want the joy of making my husband wear it in Walmart, baby in one side, groceries in the other.

    • Pop
      January 31, 2011 at 2:01 pm

      I’ll have to mail you out the prototype.

  19. January 25, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    Dude are you trying to depress me? πŸ™‚

    • Pop
      January 26, 2011 at 10:10 am

      Whenever the depressing thoughts begin to come over Daddy Kamp, just think of Nerf guns. Lots and lots of Nerf guns.

  20. January 29, 2011 at 11:57 pm

    Please show us the photo of the sac! Puhlease ;). xoxo

    • Pop
      January 31, 2011 at 11:58 am

      Haha. I may have to make a prototype. ;-P

  21. February 3, 2011 at 3:27 am

    The youngest in the front of the shopping cart, the oldest inside. And then prey that nobody falls off while you’re grabbing a mac & cheese box off the shelf!

    Having 1 kid is challenging, having 2 is exhausting. Amen to parents with 3 or more!

    • Pop
      February 11, 2011 at 9:26 am

      We’re considering having 4, so God help us! πŸ™‚

  22. Karen
    February 10, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    Please. They have grocery carts with little cars attached that 2 kids can ride in. But that’s for amateurs. I got my in-laws to spend “quality time” with the kids while I do the grocery shopping – ALONE. I have 4 kids and have not lost my sanity yet. I do have nice in-laws though!

    • Pop
      February 11, 2011 at 9:27 am

      Haha. Gotta love “quality time” with the in-laws.

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: