Home > Friday Flip-offs > Friday Flip-Offs, 11/19 Pop’s Edition

Friday Flip-Offs, 11/19 Pop’s Edition

November 19, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

Another Friday and you best believe I’ve got stuff to flip off. Sure I’ve got lots to be happy about, but little things have been annoying me as of late. Maybe I am getting more crotchety as I get older? Well, dear readers, whether you like it or not, here’s my crotch on full display.

To Thanksgiving: FLIP OFF! Really?! Thanksgiving is next week? Why does it seem like the holidays are sneaking up on me this year? And why am I already putting on holiday eating weight before any holiday dinners/parties? I guess I like to overachieve.

To gift cards: FLIP OFF! Does anyone else hate receiving gift cards? Maybe it’s because I’m the guy who either A) loses/forgets where he put his gift cards or B) waits for a sale that never happens or C) keeps them in his wallet and constantly forgets about using them even when he visits a particular retailer to use a particular gift card. Gift cards only require a little bit more thought than cash, e.g., “He’s a guy, so I’d better buy a Best Buy gift card and not an Ann Taylor gift card.” or “She’s a girl so I’m guessing she’d rather not get a gift card to Bass Pro Shops,” and yet, somehow they’re an acceptable gift. Worst of all are those AmEx or Visa gift cards – it’s basically like giving cash only you’re not and you usually have to pay an activation and/or maintenance fee on them. Visa advertises the cards by saying, “Give people the freedom to buy what they want.” So the people who give them usually think, “Wow. I am such a thoughtful friend. I’m giving my friend to freedom to go buy what he or she wants because it’s like cash. *pats self on back*.” You know what else is like cash? Cash.

This makes no sense to me. So if you ever want to give me a gift card, just give me cash. I promise I won’t be offended.

Also, I just realized this rant may result in me getting nothing but Ann Taylor gift cards for Christmas.

To parents at the mall who don’t understand the concept of a personal bubble: FLIP OFF! Sure, our kids are sharing germs in the play area but that doesn’t mean you gotta get all up in my bit. Here’s a diagram to help you understand.

I don't want to smell you

And you, overly friendly dad? We nearly touched junks. That’s never a cool thing.

By our junks combined, I am seriously grossed out

And you, dad who adopted Korean kids and wants to practice Korean? I get that you want to practice but maybe you should practice with people you know, not random people at the mall. And maybe you should learn more than just how to say hello.

Other Dad: ahn young hah seh YO!
Me: Uhhhhh, hello.
OD: Are you, Korean?
Me: *thinking: what gave it away? My big head or my small eyes? Or do I smell like garlic?* Yes, I am.
OD: That’s great [gives me his whole history on why he speaks Korean to random people who look remotely Korean]
Me: Ummmm, Ok. So is that all you say in Korean?
OD: Pretty much.

Thrilling discourse. Really. I should go to the mall more often to see 8 year old girls wearing short short skirts with their tall tall Uggs and enjoy more enlightening conversations. At least Sarku is always giving out free samples.

To parents who change their kids at the table at a restaurant: FLIP OFF! Yes, public restrooms can be disgusting and if there isn’t a changing table, your baby has to engage in diaper change aerobics, but for the love of all that is good and holy, PLEASE STOP CHANGING DIAPERS AT THE TABLE! I’ll be the first to admit, I’ve left some nasty diapers in some awfully tiny bathroom trashcans, but I’ve never subjected other diners to the nastiness that is a poopy diaper. Furthermore, it’s going to be very difficult for me to eat curry again, particularly dal, at an Indian restaurant.

*whew* that feels better. What about you? What in your life deserves to be flipped off today?

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  1. November 19, 2010 at 11:27 am

    I seriously laughed out loud at “And you, overly friendly dad? We nearly touched junks. That’s never a cool thing.” That is just all KINDS of wrong.

    • Pop
      November 19, 2010 at 11:48 am

      The good thing is that we only nearly touched. Actual contact is a punishable offense

  2. November 19, 2010 at 11:32 am

    You encounter odd people. Who the hail changes diapers at a table? That’s just wrong. And I’m kinda with you on the gift card thing.

    • Pop
      November 19, 2010 at 11:48 am

      More parents than I’d care to count. Ugh.

  3. November 19, 2010 at 11:40 am

    I love the junk bubbles. Hilarious! And yes, I think you might hate gift cards because you’re a dude. I love getting gift cards! If I get cash, I just spend it on stupid stuff…like groceries or things we need.

    • Pop
      November 19, 2010 at 11:50 am

      That is true. So I guess you’d prefer Giant/Safeway/whatever grocer is out in Cali gift cards?

  4. KLZ
    November 19, 2010 at 12:04 pm

    All of those people get a big flip from me too.

    • Pop
      November 19, 2010 at 12:14 pm

      Thank you for standing with me in solidarity.

  5. November 19, 2010 at 12:08 pm

    URGH – your posts are always filled with so freaking many hilarious things and then I have a response to each but then I forget each one with each new story.

    Can you see how you inconvenience me?

    Anyway, here I go:
    1. I have an entire purse filled with gift cards. But even when I remember to carry them with me I never remember to use them at said store. Gift cards are a gigantic conspiracy. Probably by aliens.
    2. I wish I had a visual, as I’m confused just how in your bubble a guy must be for your bodies to align, junk-wise.
    3. Do you speak Korean? You know what? Doesn’t matter – either way you could completely screw with those people. At least that’s what I would do. Mainly ’cause I have no soul.
    4. You need to attend different restaurants. Immediately.

    • Pop
      November 19, 2010 at 12:18 pm

      1. Aliens or zombies. It’s debatable.
      2. Here’s a visual for you. Here’s a lowercase ‘b’ and ‘d’ see it? So imagine the straight part is our torso, and the little bump is my junk and his junk respectively:
      bd <—see how that works? Is that visual enough for you?
      3. Totally going to do that next time.
      4. I try. But the diaper changing moms seem to be following me!

  6. November 19, 2010 at 12:15 pm

    Dude, flip off Turkey Day. Blasphemy! Turkey day cannot come soon enough.

    • Pop
      November 19, 2010 at 12:19 pm

      Don’t get me wrong – I love me some turkey day, especially the massive food coma. But I can’t believe it’s next week! We haven’t bought anything yet and we’re probably going to have to fend off other last second shoppers for the last few turkeys.

  7. November 19, 2010 at 1:42 pm

    Hey. Lookit me. Thumbing it in! (My crack better let this post) I love gift cards. Send them my way. The personal space issues? Just start coughing and hacking next time. Most people don’t like that.

    • Pop
      November 19, 2010 at 1:44 pm

      Coughing when someone is all up in my personal space? I get kind of anxious. Force of habit, what with the ‘turn and cough’ thing.

  8. November 19, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    YES. You are right about EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE. And your diagrams are truly inspiring.

    • Pop
      November 19, 2010 at 2:35 pm

      I can’t take any credit. It’s MS Paint that inspires us all.

  9. November 19, 2010 at 2:41 pm

    I would like to take this moment to thank you for illustrating “junk touching” on a pie chart instead of in a photo.

    • Pop
      November 19, 2010 at 2:42 pm

      You’re welcome. If the venn diagrams aren’t graphic enough for you, I illustrated it for Megan with this:

      bd

  10. Kim
    November 19, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    the bd illustration is brillant! And I *totally* think you should mess w/ the next person who asks if you speak Korean. Either start speaking it really rapidly or start speaking some other language (assuming you can speak another one!) like French or something. As though you may look Korean but are in fact French. Or just make up random words. I am loving this idea. And I think you so have the cojanes (sp?) to do this!

    • Pop
      November 19, 2010 at 2:54 pm

      I’m also loving this idea. And cajones? I do. See? —–> b

  11. November 19, 2010 at 3:17 pm

    I totally agree with personal space! Unless you are Brad Pity or some other super hottie don’t even think about invading my space. Especially if you have nasty butt breath!

    • Pop
      November 22, 2010 at 10:28 am

      Is it just me, or is it only stinky people who don’t know how to maintain their own personal space?! It’s never the attractive, nice smelling ones.

  12. November 19, 2010 at 4:44 pm

    Was it the tip or the entire junkage?
    He should have at least bought you lunch before he overstepped the bubble and into junk touching territory. Did he at least give you his number? You better start wearing a cup to the mall. Maybe even a condom just to be safe

    • Pop
      November 22, 2010 at 10:31 am

      Perhaps the smell of latex will deter potential junk touchers. Speaking of which, considering the patdowns TSA is doing, I may double bag for air travel this year.

  13. November 19, 2010 at 9:48 pm

    LOL!!! Gift cards are nice but it doesn’t take much thought to grab one from the rack at the grocery store!

    And yea… the holidays somehow totally snuck up on us!

    • Pop
      November 22, 2010 at 10:43 am

      I don’t necessarily mind gift cards, I just don’t understand why a gift card is acceptable but cash is not.

  14. amyblam
    November 20, 2010 at 1:03 am

    I saw somebody change their baby on the table recently-I’d NEVER seen that before.
    Also? Where has this whole YEAR gone? It’s blown by.

    • Pop
      November 22, 2010 at 10:45 am

      I agree. Time seems to be moving faster than usual this year.

  15. November 21, 2010 at 12:51 pm

    Friday flip off!! I LOVE it!! You’re so funny!

    • Pop
      November 22, 2010 at 10:45 am

      Thanks, Nina!

  16. SurferWife
    November 21, 2010 at 1:09 pm

    Ok, I totally agree on all of it but your GC rant. I love a GC. I don’t need you trying to guess what I want. 9.5 times out of 10, it’s wrong. Then I have to fake appreciation, you know I’m faking and then we are both upset and know I will be re-gifting said gift to you next year.

    • Pop
      November 22, 2010 at 10:46 am

      And that’s part of the problem – women are far better at faking than men are, therefore, we often think we got you the best present ever. Wait…are we still talking about gifts here? 😛

  17. November 21, 2010 at 3:26 pm

    oh, my gosh, could there be a funnier friday flip off??

    sorry, I’m late, but still, laughs galore.

    Hilarious.

    Oh, I don’t have junk..but I can imagine how junk almost touching cannot be cool. IN ANY WAY.

    • Pop
      November 22, 2010 at 10:47 am

      Thanks, Empress!

      It’s not cool in any way shape or form.

      xoxo
      SS

  18. December 1, 2010 at 11:49 pm

    Your Other Dad story had me laughing out loud and the almost touching junks bubble was simultaneously hysterical and gross! I’m not surprised that you’ve had a lot of flip-offs this week, Twin!

    • Pop
      December 3, 2010 at 11:26 am

      I found it gross but not hysterical. Sadly, there have been times when someone’s gotten too close and junks have been bumped.

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