Home > Friday Flip-offs > Friday Flip-Offs, 10/29 Pop’s Edition

Friday Flip-Offs, 10/29 Pop’s Edition

October 29, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

I cannot believe it’s already the end of October. Well, I started the month flipping stuff off, so you best believe I’m ending the month flipping stuff off. Let’s get to it!

To the DC area weather: FLIP OFF! Two weeks ago, it felt like fall: cooler temperatures, a nice breeze, leaves changing colors, and Punkin Ale in my hand(s) – remember, double fisting is classy. The past week, however, was hot and humid with a 90% chance of swamp crotch, giving way to swamp ass in the evening. On Wednesday, I actually had to turn the a/c on in the house. This morning? COLD! The high temperature today is expected to be 59°F with lows in the 30s!

And guess what happens when the temperatures fluctuate so much? Kids get sick. And you know what happens when kids get sick? Their parents get sick. And you know what happens when the parents get sick? They pass on their germs, which have now mutated and evolved, to their kids. And you know what happens when kids get infested with mutant germs? They pass their mutant germs, which have now grown a second ass, to their parents. This cycle repeats until you have a germ so big that you consider claiming it as a dependent on your tax return in the spring. Speaking of fall…

To fall yardwork: FLIP OFF! I love fall: the foliage, the pumpkin patches, apple cider, and all that. But then I looked at my backyard and remembered that I hate fall yardwork. Leaves are all over the place and all the trees and plants, which looked terrible and shriveled all summer,  decided to be like a desperate, late-blooming teenager and finally have a growth spurt, will need to be pruned. And being a dad with two little girls with minimal motor skill development, guess who gets to do all the yardwork? Also, take a wild guess as to who will delay yardwork for as long as possible?

To politicians: FLIP OFF! You see, there’s this little thing called the National Do Not Call Registry, because people hate getting useless phone calls. No, I’m not interested in saving money on my long distance calls, or switching cable providers, or how your products could make me more beautiful – though, admittedly, that last one is intriguing. So I’m certainly not interested in getting phone calls from you every single day telling me how terrible your opponents are. It’s too bad the USPS doesn’t take a page out of gmail’s book and sort all of your crap into spam instead of my mailbox.

I’ve reached the point that I don’t care who wins; I just want this thing to be over. Just promise me that if you win, you’ll be as aggressive at serving your constituents as you were at pissing them off and soliciting ad nauseam for the better part of 2 months.

To Halloween costume makers: FLIP OFF! I think it’s ludicrous what Victoria’s Secret charges for lingerie (don’t get me wrong, especially you, wifey: I’m complaining about the prices, not the lingerie itself). The price/sq. ft for lingerie is exorbitant, especially when compared with grannies. I mean, you pay less for something that has enough fabric to pull over your head than you do for something that literally barely fills in a crack.

But costume makers are even worse: they charge exorbitant prices for something your kids will wear for one day! And don’t get me started on the hoochies-in-training costumes that are so prevalent.

To mutant ninja mosquitoes: FLIP OFF! I thought I flipped you off for the last time more than a month ago. But noooooooo! You’re still hanging around and you went down fighting. Christmas creep is all over the place as I’ve already seen Christmas displays at Target, Sam’s Club, and the Dollar Store, but you go ahead and decide to bring Christmas creep to my nose. Yup. You bit me square on the nose to the point where I looked like Rudolph the rednosed Korean. Well played, well played.

To daylight savings time: FLIP OFF! Yes you’re still a week away but I’m flipping you off in advance. I used to love the extra hour of sleep I got for ‘fall back,’ but I’m pretty sure D1 and D2 didn’t get the memo. So you’re dead to me for the foreseeable future.

*whew* that feels better. What about you? What in your life deserves to be flipped off today?

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  1. October 29, 2010 at 9:53 am

    You NEVER flip off daylight savings when we GET an extra hour! Never never never! Only in the spring when we lose an hour!

    • Pop
      October 29, 2010 at 9:54 am

      Alicia, Alicia. With kids, there’s no such thing as getting an extra hour of sleep. Ever. Well, without the help of drugs anyway.

  2. October 29, 2010 at 10:07 am

    I would like to see you pull a pair of grannies over your head please.

    • Pop
      October 29, 2010 at 1:10 pm

      All in due time.

  3. October 29, 2010 at 10:14 am

    Amen to the weather situation! Seems every time the weather can’t make up its mind as to what season it thinks it should be repping, I always get sick 😦

    • Pop
      October 29, 2010 at 1:10 pm

      Seriously. Not to mention I’ve got 3 or 4 different blankets in the room now.

  4. October 29, 2010 at 10:35 am

    “…until you have a germ so big that you consider claiming it as a dependent on your tax return in the spring.” Could you BE any funnier? (That was me channeling Chandler Bing.) I wonder if you have a source of stagnant water near your house that is keeping the mosquitos around and breeding by it. We had some buckets in our backyard that got rained in and we had the worst problem with mosquitos until we realized why.

    • Pop
      October 29, 2010 at 1:11 pm

      WHOOPAH!!!

      No sources of stagnant water near my house – at least none that I can see or access. I’m pretty sure my neighbors have some though.

  5. October 29, 2010 at 11:03 am

    Mmmm…..Punkin Ale……

    • Pop
      October 29, 2010 at 1:27 pm

      So, so good!

  6. October 29, 2010 at 11:04 am

    I would like to second every single one of your flips, except the DC weather because it never did anything to me.

    And swamp crotch has replaced food baby in the number one spot for most disgusting phrases I’ve ever read. I thank you. 🙂

    • Pop
      October 29, 2010 at 1:33 pm

      I take great pride in disgusting you further with each and every post.

  7. Kim
    October 29, 2010 at 11:20 am

    Amen!! The weather just p.o’ed me. Seriously, a/c in October?? ugh. And the germs, yeah we got ’em here, too. Such fun!!

    • Pop
      October 29, 2010 at 1:40 pm

      A/C yesterday; heater tonight. What the deuce?!

  8. October 29, 2010 at 11:31 am

    Pop, this weatere AND dst can blow me. I hate dst if we jump ahead or fall back. All of it.

    • Pop
      October 29, 2010 at 1:43 pm

      Yup. Not a fan.

  9. October 29, 2010 at 12:06 pm

    All I have to say is, double fisting IS classy. Especially when it comes to Pumpkin Beer. And don’t let anyone tell you differently.

    And, well, you know how I feel about Daylight Savings Time.

    • Pop
      October 29, 2010 at 1:43 pm

      Thanks for the support!

      I absolutely know. UGH!

  10. October 29, 2010 at 12:32 pm

    WTH is UP with the mosquitoes?! I flipped them off today too. It’s almost NOVEMBER! wth? “Christmas Creep” seriously cracked me up!

    • Pop
      October 29, 2010 at 1:44 pm

      I know right?! I’m telling you – these are mutant ninja mosquitoes that somehow avoid death indefinitely.

  11. October 29, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    I had to laugh at the mutant germ that grew a second ass. That is so true! And my youngest is the one that usually starts the plague. I might keep him in a bubble this year.

    • Pop
      October 29, 2010 at 1:47 pm

      May as well be proactive and get him in the bubble now.

  12. October 29, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    I’m so loving all your “Flip offs”, lol! Especially the one about politicians, stop calling my darn house and screaming into my phone telling me who to vote for. I’m down south and so tired of the humidity, thought it was finally behind me…

    • Pop
      October 29, 2010 at 2:02 pm

      Seriously. Maybe once they get elected, we should call them non-stop.

  13. Kim
    October 29, 2010 at 2:29 pm

    gah, commented on the wrong post! Thanks for visiting my blog — loved the comment. Oh, and the politicians? Yeah, I got 8 1/2 x 11 glossy poster weight flyers in the mail yesterday. 5 of them!! Can we say WASTE??

    • Pop
      November 3, 2010 at 1:12 pm

      Seriously. Those 8x12s are ridiculous!

  14. TK
    October 30, 2010 at 10:44 am

    I have mutant ants in my backyard. Even though it’s October I will have to call and exterminator. Which makes me feel bad for my neighbors because I have a feeling these mutants ants will simply just shift their homes slightly to the right.

    Mutant germs you can claim on your tax returns, Politicians slowly killing mother earth with their 8×10 ads I get six of every stinkin’ day and outrageously priced Halloween costumes… I love it all and I couldn’t agree more.

    • Pop
      November 3, 2010 at 1:13 pm

      I guess your neighbors will be flipping you off soon enough!

  15. October 30, 2010 at 3:18 pm

    Did my kamikaze bats not make it to you?

    Damnit.

    I knew they should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque.

    • Pop
      November 3, 2010 at 1:13 pm

      Nope. Please try again. Though I wonder what effect Pursey would have?

  16. November 1, 2010 at 12:13 pm

    I had to go to a doctors appointment this morning where they asked me if I’d ever considered killing anyone and even though she said it was totally a routine question that they ask everyone….I seriously contemplated telling them Yes! All the Time! Just so I could get a 6 day vacation in a place where they give you padded walls and absolute silence.

    Sad isn’t it?

    Flip Off! Crappy neighbors who have a ‘driveway party for the street’ on halloween depriving my kidlets of the value of ringing the damn doorbell and saying trick or treat, forcing me to drive ten minutes away to a normal ass neighborhood just so my kids could have a full halloween experience.

    Woah, I do feel better! Thanks!

    • Pop
      November 3, 2010 at 1:16 pm

      Joining you in flipping off your neighbors!

  17. November 1, 2010 at 1:34 pm

    WHAT THE HELL is it with the political phone calls this year??? I’ve even been getting text messages! I don’t even give my phone number out to half my family… who the hell do you think you are??? FLIP OFF!

    • Pop
      November 3, 2010 at 1:17 pm

      Seriously. It’s been crazy. I was away Monday and Tuesday and returned to 26 voicemails. I never thought I’d be annoyed when Barack Obama called my house.

  18. November 1, 2010 at 11:58 pm

    Pop, you have a great list here. Why can the politicians phone us/spam us like that? Speaking of, I need to report the Special Olympics. They are violating my “do not call” order.
    This week (last week) I’m flipping off my bank for their risky loans which caused the FDIC to shut them down.

    • Pop
      November 3, 2010 at 1:18 pm

      Seriously. The entities that have legal right to bypass Do Not Call are more annoying.

      Sorry to hear about your bank.

  19. November 2, 2010 at 3:47 am

    Our weather has been pretty crappy lately too. One minute it’s humid and then it’s raining craploads the next. WTH is up with that? I’ve just gotten better from a 3-week long case of the colds!

    Also? This post is all sorts of win: swamp crotches, granny panties and mutant germs that have grown a second ass! Hilarious!

    • Pop
      November 3, 2010 at 1:22 pm

      Glad to hear you are better! I hope the little one was able to avoid the sickness.

  20. November 2, 2010 at 1:30 pm

    I’m here to subscribe by e-mail.

    that is all.

    • Pop
      November 3, 2010 at 1:24 pm

      Awesome.

      That is all.

  21. November 2, 2010 at 4:55 pm

    I hear ya on the weather….we had record rainfall yesterday and today the sun is out and its border line warm…..borderline, not warm lol 🙂

    Happy November to you!

    • Pop
      November 3, 2010 at 1:25 pm

      And this morning? Just above freezing and I had frost on my windshield.

  1. August 24, 2011 at 10:23 am

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