Home > Amusings > Kids Just Don’t Understand

Kids Just Don’t Understand

October 13, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

If D1 were Twitter, she’d report me for spam, which isn’t so bad because I’m sure as she gets older, she’ll become like gmail and everything I say will automatically end up in her spam folder.  But lately, I’ve come to realize I’m part of the problem. She’s only 2.5 and she already doesn’t understand the things I say, mostly because I mumble and ramble of my propensity to use clichés and figures of speech.

Rhetorical Questions

A few Sundays ago I had a moment of immense anger with D1. We just returned from a retreat with other couples from our church. My wife came down with mastitis so she stayed home with D2 while I took D1 to church. I was quite proud of myself. I got D1 changed, brought some bottles of water and other things my wife would need and put them on her nightstand within reach, packed snacks for D1, packed the diaper bag, and was ready to head out the door. Just then, D1 asked for some milk, so I obliged. She took one sip and put the cup down on the floor. Then things seemed to move in slow motion.

She saw something interesting in the living room and as she got up to go look at it, she knocked over the cup of milk. Remember, she only took a sip so milk was everywhere. Under the baseboards, onto some shoes, under the trash can, etc…I was so infuriated. I absolutely lost it. Wasn’t I incredibly proud of myself just a minute ago? I began to yell at D1 – I haven’t yelled at her that badly since shortly after D2 was born.

At one point, I shouted in Korean, “WHAT IS THIS?!?!?!” D1 tearfully cried back, “It’s milk, daddy!” I had to bite my lip in order to keep from laughing.

Euphemisms

I try really hard not to curse, but life, and especially life as a parent, requires interjections. So I usually use euphemisms like poop, dang it, curses, etc…I also like to say, “Oh my goodness” a la Shanaynay from Martin

So D1 is thisclose to being potty trained. The only times we put a diaper on her are for naps and when we go to a public place where a (usable) restroom may not be readily available. Lately, D1’s been in the habit of taking off her poopy diaper, leaving it in place, and heading to the toilet to wipe her butt. Hey Pampers – get on that idea DC Urban Dad sent you a while back!

Last week, I put D1 down for a nap. Later, I hear her get up and go to the bathroom. I head upstairs and find her putting the Baby Bjorn toilet trainer on the toilet seat and moving the step stool over to get up there. She says, “Appa! I’m going pee pee!” to which I reply, “I’m so proud of you.” 30 seconds pass and I don’t hear any pee. My wife calls me over so I tell D1 that I’ll be back. I come back to the bathroom in less than a minute and D1 is now off the potty but there is a little turd on the toilet trainer. “Oh wow,” I exclaimed, “D1 you went poo poo?!” So I pick her up to wipe her butt and then HORROR.

It looked like there was a poop explosion on her butt. I frantically look in the toilet. NO POOP! No poop in the toilet, an explosion on her butt, and a turd on the seat. At this point I’m confused as to what happened. “Honey, can you go get me some wipes from D1’s room,” I shout. She heads over and exclaims, “Oh my God. That’s all you!” I’m pretty sure she tagged me like a tag-team partner does in wrestling as she passed me. I go in and there’s D1’s old diaper, filled with a nasty turd, and poop all over her blanket and pillows.

“OH LORD! D1!!! OH LORD! OH MY GOD! D1!!! OH LORD!!!” I exclaim over and over. And without missing a beat, D1 shouts, “PRAISE THE LORD, APPA!” She laughs and keeps on saying it, “PRAISE THE LORD! PRAISE THE LORD!” Once again, I had to bite my lip in order to keep from laughing.

At the End of the Day

That seems to be a popular cliché, along with “the bottom line is…” It’s one that I like to use also. I once used it on D1. “At the end of the day, D1, blah blah blah [something philosophical that a 2.5yo could definitely use].”

Fast forward to bedtime. We’re laying in bed, talking about her day and she goes, “Appa. It’s the end of the day, [repeats back something philosophical].”

It Doesn’t Get Any Better

I’d like to think that I’ll be able to communicate better with my kids as they get older but an incident that happened with my wife and some of her students reminds me that there are some things that kids just don’t understand – or don’t want to understand.

My wife is in the habit of putting motivational posters and quotes throughout her classroom. One that she put up recently is a Chinese proverb:

Tell me and I’ll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I’ll understand.

From a distance, my wife noticed some kids gathered around the new posting and were shaking their heads as if a light bulb was going off. In that moment, my wife was one proud teacher and she began to approach them to talk about it.

Then one kid turns to another and says, “I want to understand your mom.”

It’s nice to know that after all these years, your mom is still popular with high school boys. BOOM!

What are some other things adults use in everyday life that kids just don’t understand?

Update:

So I grossed the Organic Enchilada out with my Martin video above, so I thought I’d redeem myself with this classic moment from that show. I love me some Tracy Morgan.

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  1. October 13, 2010 at 10:39 am

    Love this post, and you are so not alone!

    • Pop
      October 13, 2010 at 1:12 pm

      Thank you! So it doesn’t get better? *sigh*

  2. October 13, 2010 at 10:48 am

    I can’t believe you made me watch that video clip.

    • Pop
      October 13, 2010 at 1:15 pm

      Yeah, that was a pretty crappy clip. I replaced it with a slightly better one. I’m surprised there aren’t more Martin clips on YouTube.

      • October 13, 2010 at 10:41 pm

        I was only teasing. Now I have to go watch the other video, too. Thanks a lot!

        • October 13, 2010 at 10:43 pm

          Yuck! I hate feet!

        • Pop
          October 14, 2010 at 9:28 am

          LOL. I apologize.

  3. October 13, 2010 at 10:58 am

    I am cracking up imagining a two year old shouting “Praise the Lord!” in a room filled with poop smears. Made my day.

    Children do not understand alarm clocks. So, rather than learn to tell time, they just BECOME the alarm clock. I remember looking forward to staying home with the kids, thinking I’d get to sleep in until at least seven. Ah, the delusions we parents come up with…

    • Pop
      October 14, 2010 at 9:30 am

      It’s pretty funny in retrospect, especially since the sheets and pillows have been washed.

      You know you’re a parent when 7am is considered sleeping in.

  4. KLZ
    October 13, 2010 at 11:39 am

    How about the phrase “It’s time to cut the cord?” Seems like that could lead to some uh-ohs.

    • Pop
      October 14, 2010 at 9:36 am

      LOL definitely. Lately, a lot of guys at my church are talking about getting V’s. So anytime I hear the words cut and some sort of cord/string, I cringe a little.

  5. October 13, 2010 at 11:56 am

    LOL! The image of your D1 yelling “Praise the Lord!” while her bed is covered in poop is horrifyingly hysterical! I pray I will never have to experience anything like that while potty training my daughter, but I guess that’s the sleep deprivation talking huh?

    • Pop
      October 14, 2010 at 9:49 am

      The horrors I’ve seen–and smelled–I don’t wish on anyone.

  6. October 13, 2010 at 12:06 pm

    From the mouths of babes! The funniest is the rhetorical questions…because why wouldn’t you be talking about anything OTHER than that spilled milk!

    • Pop
      October 14, 2010 at 9:50 am

      D1 has a real talent for being hysterical when she’s being disciplined. Talk about comedic timing

  7. Pooh
    October 13, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    At least you didn’t yell “HOLY CRAP”

    • Pop
      October 14, 2010 at 9:53 am

      That would’ve been even more awesome.

  8. October 13, 2010 at 1:49 pm

    PRAISE THE LORD, that was funny! Except for the mastitis. That sucks so hard. Hope the wife is better. And really, I could read forever on the stuff kids say. Never gets old.

    • Pop
      October 14, 2010 at 9:54 am

      Yeah, wife had chills/fever all day. No fun.

      Doesn’t get old huh? Wanna borrow my kids for a week?

  9. October 13, 2010 at 1:49 pm

    Umm I have to start this off by saying “Praise the Lord.” Your daughter really cracks me up. But a few months ago when a jealous D1 purposely pooped in the hospital after I delivered D2 to get back at us, I was very pissed off. I needed the Lord at that very moment. What I would have gave to climb out of that bed? Things are better now. Wishing you the best in your potty training, lol!

    • Pop
      October 14, 2010 at 9:55 am

      LOL. Thanks for the glimmer of hope.

  10. October 13, 2010 at 2:41 pm

    Check this out for coincidence… My two year old pooped all over his bed last week too. Maybe not so much “coincidence” and more “unavoidable”. But mine did it WHILE I was on my hands and knees in the bathroom mopping up the pee of my 3 year old. I win! No, wait… I lose.

    • Pop
      October 14, 2010 at 10:12 am

      That was some afternoon you had there.

  11. Veronica
    October 13, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    OMgosh, your journey as a parent never fails to crack me up! That poop story was soo funny! Praise the Lord! LOLOL! I love how you always take us back old school with the clips. I used to watch Martin when I was a teen–totally forgot about Shanaynay!

    • Pop
      October 14, 2010 at 10:15 am

      MARTIN! MARTIN! Such a good show. I especially loved Bruh Man and Tracy Morgan (Hustle Man)

  12. October 13, 2010 at 3:42 pm

    PRAISE THE LORD!!! I would have had to have bite my lip so hard to stop from laughing, there would be blood dripping down my chin!! TOO funny!

    • Pop
      October 14, 2010 at 10:16 am

      I know right?! The new euphemism my wife and I use is Praise the Lord.

  13. October 13, 2010 at 7:33 pm

    Omgosh! D1 a girl after my own heart. Love how she interjects her interpretation. Yikes on the dirty diaper. Oh, I soooo don’t miss those days. 🙂

    • Pop
      October 14, 2010 at 10:21 am

      I’m sure you don’t. 🙂

  14. October 13, 2010 at 10:33 pm

    It will get easier — especially when she’s no longer a toddler. Or, better yet, when D2 is past the toddler phase, too! One friend went through this same problem where his son was potty-training, but would take off his dirty diapers and leave them all over the house. (The walls in his bedroom got hit especially hard.) Friend finally asked his son why he did that, and the answer was simple: I don’t like dirty poopy on my bottom. Food (or Digestion) for thought… xoxo

    • Pop
      October 14, 2010 at 10:23 am

      Ugh. That’s like some bedroom scene out of a horror flick. And yeah, D1 is the same way – it’s just a matter of her understanding that she needs to let me know when she has a dirty poopy on her bottom. Better yet, if dirty poopy would be in the toilet. 😛

  15. October 13, 2010 at 10:33 pm

    I love the “Praise the Lord!” I’m sure D1 is going to be so happy that you are chronicling her childhood. 🙂

    • Pop
      October 14, 2010 at 10:23 am

      That’s the nice thing about being anonymous. When I show it to her, if she likes it, I’ll take all the credit. If she hates it, I’ll agree with her. 😛

  16. October 14, 2010 at 4:57 pm

    I LOVE Shanaynay! Our most recent euphemism that was misunderstood happened a couple of weeks ago. I asked our 3 yo to do something and then said, “Does that sound like a plan, Stan?” She looked at me, confused, and said, “Mommy, I’m not Stan! Stan’s our neighbor!” I couldn’t help but laugh. I told her she was right, and it was just a saying. She didn’t get it. I never even thought about it since I didn’t know a Stan until I met him last year.

    • Pop
      October 18, 2010 at 9:23 am

      Haha. Poor, Stan 😛

  17. October 18, 2010 at 11:27 am

    Pop – I so hear you. Trying to punish my two-year-old is extremely difficult when she says or does something really funny or cute. We persevere but it seems so wrong. I am not looking forward to potty training her. I can only imagine the headaches that will ensue. UGH.

    • Pop
      October 18, 2010 at 1:03 pm

      Good luck with potty training! It’s definitely been a challenge for us – but laughing helps a lot.

  18. October 18, 2010 at 11:34 am

    Your posts are just so much better than mine.

    Why am I afraid to write longer?

    People haven’t left you.

    I love all the info., i just do.

    • Pop
      October 18, 2010 at 1:06 pm

      You shouldn’t be afraid to write longer, Alexandra – your writing is like glue: gripping. And if people have left me, I wouldn’t even begin to know – I’m pretty clueless about stats and that’s AFTER Gigi schooled me on them.

  19. October 20, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    Wow, I thought my two year old sitting on a small potty, then getting his butt stuck to it as he got up, resulting in the potty full of pee and poo flipping upside down on the floor was bad… but your daughter’s story of bodily fluid all over the bed surely beats that! I love reading about parents who have worse poo stories than me!

    • Pop
      October 21, 2010 at 3:25 pm

      I take solace in the fact that I’m pretty sure there’s another parent out there with a worse poop story than I do. And I’ve heard plenty to know that that’s true. 😛

  1. October 21, 2010 at 9:12 am
  2. November 11, 2010 at 1:33 pm

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