Friday Flip-Offs, 7/23 Pop’s Edition
So I found KludgyMom this week, and felt an immediate connection b/c I’m a KludgyPop (duct tape my kids together? Don’t mind if I do!). She has a feature called Friday Flip-offs and I thought I’d give it a go.
To D2’s thrush: FLIP OFF! You make D2’s breath smell like spoiled milk and she spits up fragrant chunks that look like cottage cheese. I can no longer eat cottage cheese and I’m not fond of yogurt anymore either!
To Nystatin: FLIP OFF! I know you’re helping to cure D’s thrush, so I thank you for helping, but do you really need to cause diarrhea too?!?! Newborns poop enough as it is, but thanks to you, her digestive system is all crazy and she poops little squirts over the course of 30 minutes. And just when I think she’s done. SQUIRT! D2 shoots explosive poop up to my bicep as I’m changing her diaper.
To that mom at the mall: FLIP OFF! So D1 got freaked out while riding the carousel. I’m doing my best to calm her down so don’t look at me like that because I’m ruining the video you want to take of your daughter with your crappy camera phone. Excuse me for ruining the 57 views you were hoping to garner on YouTube.
To the ants waging war on my home: FLIP OFF! It’s hard enough to keep a clean house with a 2yo; it’s even tougher having to clean up every popsicle drip and little morsel of food she drops. There are 5 homes in our row – please visit any one of them. I hear they have excellent drinks!
To mosquitoes: FLIP OFF! If I get to heaven, I’m going to ask God why in the world He created mutant ninja mosquitoes that somehow bite me through my jeans as I’m walking the 50 feet from my car to my home. You jerks seem to have multiplied like the Israelites in Egypt and BBQing and grilling have become unenjoyable with you around. And to that one mosquito that has been feasting on and tormenting me for the past week, you best believe I’m flippin’ you off. P.S. you’re DEAD this weekend!
To DMV Heat & Humidity: FLIP OFF! Heat index of 105°F this weekend?! You seriously need to flip off! Two showers a day isn’t cute or environmentally friendly.
Ah, that feels better! What about you? What in your life deserves to be flipped off today?