Having Trouble with Your Name
*Disclaimer: if you or your children or your great uncle’s sister’s friend’s cat is named any of the names mentioned in this post, I apologize.
Besides the development of the baby and all that, I’m convinced that God allowed 9 months before birth so that parents could think of a name. Granted, giving some parents this much time probably wasn’t such a good idea (Neveah: heaven for the dyslexic; Nahla: can you feel the love tonight?; Willow: are you going to name their sibling Madmartigan?; Apple: seriously?; Tallulah: to quote Cool Runnings, “Sounds like a 2 dollar hooker!”), but for parents like my wife and I, it’s a good thing because it gives us time to think of any possible ways potential names could be made fun of.
With a little over a month to go before Baby #2 arrives, my wife and I are feeling the pressure. We don’t want to get too creative as they’ll constantly have to tell people how to spell their name (Brayden? No, it’s Braidin’, as in hair) nor do we want to get too conventional (how many Korean Daniel’s, David’s, and Grace’s do you know?). We also want to avoid the most popular names since we’d rather not have the following exchange in regards to our child:
Kid 1: Hey, have you seen Isabella?
Kid 2: Which one?
K1: Isabella Jones.
K2: Which one?
K1: You know…the one w/ the glasses.
K2: The thick glasses or the thin glasses?
K2: Long hair or short hair?
K2: Fat or skinny
K1: Kind of medium
Like I said before, if Baby #2 were a boy, I kind of wish I could just name him Barpop: son of Pop. If Baby #2 were a boy, we’ve mulled over naming him Taylor since A) I love guitars and B) I love Taylor guitars, but we’re pretty sure naming him that is the equivalent of wounding a gazelle and throwing it to a pack of lions – middle school is tough enough; imagine surviving it as Taylor. And if Baby #2 is a girl, she’d think she was named after Taylor Swift for the rest of her life.
Allow me to diverge a bit, but I find Taylor Swift, and her effect on men, fascinating. At the gym, Love Story comes on quite frequently since the radio station is set to Sirius Hits 1, and the burliest men you’ve ever seen will not only tap their feet to it, they’ll sing along! Slightly under their breath of course. On the Metro or in my office, I’ll see tough lookin’ dudes bobbing along to their iPods and if I listen closely, I’ve often heard, “Romeo save me, they try to tell me how to feel…” And I’m not gonna lie: it is a catchy tune. Men, we won’t admit we like plucking our eyebrows, watching romantic comedies, or gossip, but we will sing along to Taylor Swift. Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.
And being Korean, we’re going to go with a Korean middle name. Obviously, it won’t be something like Yoo Suk or Gee Ho (#9 in this list), but it will probably give American people contortions when they have to try and pronounce it. Don’t believe me? Try these: Eunkyong, Jeonghui, and Seotaiji. But mercifully, it’ll be hidden in his or her middle name, so he/she can simply use the initial rather than the full name.
Mercifully, if he or she hates his or her name, they can go ahead and get it changed legally, but isn’t that the biggest slap in a parent’s face? He/she may as well shout, “YOO SUK DAD!” on their way to court.