Home > Amusings > For Real This Time…I’m Serious….

For Real This Time…I’m Serious….

I swim about as well as a water wing: I can float and if the current’s right, I can move along swiftly. In fact, a water wing would probably beat me in a race. Ok, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but not by much.

Show of hands – anyone do laps in the pool like this?

You swim one length of the pool – our community pool has 25 yard lanes – then you’re gassed once you get to the other end. So you stop, remove your goggles, look frustrated, *sigh*, and “wipe” the fog off your goggles. I say “wipe” because there’s not really any fog on your goggles; it’s just a clever way to blame your equipment rather than your complete and total lack of physical conditioning. And yes, my goggles do get foggy after every freakin’ lap. Stupid goggles.

After struggling with my goggles for so long,  I’m usually tired and I swim–and I use that word lightly–like a fish that just got hooked or caught in a net and is trying to escape. In fact, it’s probably hard for the lifeguard to distinguish if I’m drowning or swimming.

To make matters worse, my wife swims pretty well. Heck, even with her massive baby bump, which I think should cause her to capsize, she swims better than I do. And old people are even worse. Most of the older folks I see at the pool can barely walk, but when they get in the water, they glide along and can seemingly swim indefinitely. Must be that early bird buffet at Old Country Buffet.

My wife says it’s not that I’m that out of shape, it’s that my strokes are really inefficient. So pretty much every summer, I tell myself, “This is the summer when I learn to swim well. For real this time…I’m serious…” And of course, the summer comes and goes and the beached whale is still my best stroke.

For real this time…I’m learning how to swim this summer. 😛

Some other things I want to learn how to do this summer:

  • How to make braised pork belly and grilled naan
  • Infant CPR – especially in light of Baby #2’s impending birth
  • Use a knife really well

What do you want to learn how to do this summer?

  1. Dionne Baldwin
    May 20, 2010 at 11:50 am

    OOOooo grilled naan. Nom nom nom! Good call on the baby CPR it’s very good to know just in case.

  2. the buck
    May 20, 2010 at 3:12 pm

    “How to make braised pork belly”

    OMG. We ARE the same person!

  3. May 20, 2010 at 8:47 pm

    If I can find a place I wouldn’t mind learning to weld



  4. May 21, 2010 at 12:04 am

    This is a very funny post. Apparently, this summer I should learn how to write a blog. I AM trying to write a quick food post for tomorrow– the pork chops– but I keep getting swamped with oh, stupid stuff like grading papers for kids who want to graduate next week.

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