Be The Rads!
Koreans speaking English is amusing. I still remember the Be The Reds! t-shirts for the 2002 World Cup and then the epic follow-up: Reds go together! To make matters worse, most Korean immigrants can’t pronounce the word red, e.g. it was awesome when my dad and his friends would shout “BE THE RADS! BE THE RADS!” while watching the games on TV. I’m not really sure what it is about Koreans and their need to put English on things (see: stationary).
Some other things that are unequivocally true of Koreans:
- Everyone who visits America has to go to Niagara Falls, but we call it Nigh Ah Gah Lah Pohk Poh.
- If an older lady from Korea visits, she will pick vegetables from the garden & entrance displays of your housing complex. And yes, they will fight squirrels for chestnuts. And they almost always have the worst posture you’ve ever seen in your life.
- We’ll fight at D&B b/c Koreans love beef.
- If one Korean brings out a cell phone, everyone within a 100 yard radius must brandish their cell phone (Note: this may hold true for most every culture now).
- Koreans love to exfoliate. If you’ve ever showered at a Korean’s place, you may have noticed a brightly colored, sandpaper-ish rag hanging. That’s what we use to ddeh mee luh. And yes, we use it everywhere.
- Lasik is nowhere near the most common eye surgery for Koreans, esp. the women.
- General disregard for rules, esp. older folks, who generally do some pretty ghetto and nasty stuff. And the best part is? When confronted, the reply is always, “Ing Guh Lih Shee No!”
- We take lots of everything, such as napkins at restaurants, and often take stuff home thinking that it was given to us. At any event where there is anything remotely resembling a buffet, the ladies will usually approach the table once everyone has passed through the buffet once and will pack to-go plates.
- Suck, Ho, Tech, Bum, Young, Pill, Man, Gee and Yoo are just some of the words used to make our names. Mercifully, we can only use two of the above since our last name (which is written first) takes up one of the 3 syllables. So something like Gee Man Yoo Suck Pill Ho isn’t possible. Although, Yoo can also be a last name so Yoo Suck Ho is definitely in play. You don’t give love a bad name; Korean parents do.
- We don’t heed warnings like: “No Open Flames” or “No Cooking In Hotel Room.” Who needs the snacks from the minibar/fridge at a hotel when you can make Shin Ramyun and pork belly. Mmmmmmm…
- Korean pleasantries typically go: Hi. I haven’t seen you in a long time. Wow, you got fat/lost weight.
But there’s also some incredibly awesome things about us.
- Flavored milks – esp. the banana and strawberry are soooo good. They don’t taste anything like the real thing; they’re better.
- Kim Yu Na!
- Galbi, galbi, galbi!
- Duh Rah Ma’s (dramas) – yeah, they’re all the same: someone is poor, someone is rich; forbidden love; rare forms of cancer or disease; lots of yelling by parents; really artificial smacking sounds when aforementioned parents inevitably smack their child; a plot twist everyone sees coming; and an ending that’ll make you cry. And the crazy part is, they’ll streeeeetch this plot out over 10 too many episodes, but you won’t be able to stop watching.
- Our backdancers – our pop stars may not be the best singers but they’ve got awesome dance moves.
- The Butt Bowl!
For the uninitiated, that’s jjam ppong on the left (spicy seafood) and jja jang myun on the right.