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Are You Serious?!

January 13, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

You gotta get up pretty early in the morning to shock and/or disgust me at work. I’m no longer bothered by clipping of finger/toenails (Yes. You read right. Toenails). I’m still not ok w/ a guy standing next to me in a urinal even though there are 3 others available – but that no longer shocks or disgusts me. Today, January 13, in the Year of our Lord two thousand and ten, someone got up VERY early.

I’m happily dropping the kids off at the pool. Someone walks in, so naturally, I do a courtesy flush and put on my silencer. Turns out they’re gonna drop one too, i.e., I need to keep the silencer on indefinitely *sad face* Oddly enough, dude starts talking on his phone. That’s fine – I’ve long accepted that people are far too important to put someone on hold when Nature calls. That’s right – 3-way calling is standard technology around there parts. But then I notice something odd: he’s speaking on the phone and then I hear the turning of a newspaper. Are you serious? No way…he can’t possibly be using a bluetooth headset, right?

More talking, more turning of the newspaper, and dropping bombs w/ a complete and utter disdain for the DC public sewage system! Did he have a 3rd appendage w/ which he was holding his phone to his ear? Noooooo…. No one could possibly be hung like that…could they?

Anywho, he finishes up and I peek through the TINY gap in the stall and sure enough, he was using a bluetooth headset.

Are you serious?!

My first workout of 2010, I see this hulk of a man at the gym who is talking to himself. Turns out, he’s got a bluetooth headset and he’s using it during the workout! He continues to talk on the phone for the duration I was in the same area with him (~40 minutes) and probably continued long thereafter. I’ve seen dudes txt and talk in between sets and what not, but never heard this:

“Yeah dawg, I TOOOOOOOOOOHtally woulda hit that….man YOOOOOOOOOOOOU have no idea son…..SHOOOOOOOOrty was…..THIIIIIIIIIck….”

This enlightening discourse continued and my workout was all the better for it. To compound matters, I hear such clever lyrics as “I make them good girls go baaaaaaad…” “I’m talking about – everybody getting crunk, crunk. Boys trying to touch my junk, junk,” and “I’m noddin my head like Yeah. I’m movin my hips like Yeah.” I think doing power hour w/ vodka would’ve been better for my brain cells than that first visit to the gym in 2010.

Are you serious?!

I know we’re all busy people but

  1. you’re not that important, unless your last name happens to be Obama and your first name happens to be Barack, and even then I’d ask, “Mr. President…are you in the can?”
  2. no one looks cool talking on a bluetooth
  3. who likes being on the other end of the line? Couldn’t/shouldn’t they simply say, “Oh…obviously, you’re taking a dump. So call me back after you are done.”
  4. don’t shout, “HEY! How are you doing?!?!?!” while you are walking towards me talking on that thing. This feels much worse than when you wave to someone only to find out they are waving to the person behind you.

Bluetooth = use it w/ restraint and some common sense and courtesy. Let’s get serious.

Categories: Amusings Tags: , , ,
  1. January 14, 2010 at 7:55 am

    haha, can’t believe you peeked through the gap in the stall…that’s what i do.

  2. August 17, 2010 at 2:55 am

    LOL! This is so funny… and needed. I can’t tell you how many times I thought someone on a bluetooth was talking to me. It never fails to catch me off guard. The worst… I once saw an “older” man pushing his shopping cart, talking to himself. Poor guy, I thought. Nope… it was the blue tooth. Seriously? Someone needs to tell these people that aging and bluetooth don’t go together unless you WANT to look senile. Thanks for the laugh!

    • Pop
      August 17, 2010 at 12:01 pm

      LOL! So, so true. I predict the number of people admitted to homes will increase!

  3. August 17, 2010 at 11:54 am

    You are one funny ass man. Pun intended. Yes indeed.

  1. June 9, 2010 at 3:11 pm

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