Friday Flip-Offs, 10/1 Pop’s Edition
I am exhausted today. I didn’t originally plan on writing a blog post but this angered me to no end.
To my neighbor: FLIP OFF! This was what I tweeted at 2:46am!
By 2:50, we finally calmed both D1 and D2 down but the alarm was still going off. I decided to take matters into my own hands. I put on some clothes–yes, I sleep in just my baggy skorts boxer briefs. Aren’t you glad this blog is anonymous? Otherwise, the visual would be jarring. Anywho, I briefly contemplate doing very bad things to her car–which is incidentally parked right in front of D1′s room–but decide against it. I figured my dog poop morning breath would be punishment enough and I fully planned on drawing out all my words like “Hiiiiiiiiii neeeeeeeighboooooooooooooor. You’re alaaaaaaaaaaaaarm is gooooooing ooooooooooof.” I ring her doorbell like it’s a video game that requires button mashing, all the while hearing:
BOOOOOOOP BOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!
ENGK! ENGK! ENGK! ENGK!
BURR-WEEEEEE BURR-WEEEEEE!
WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW!
in the background, which made my button mashing increasingly forceful.
After a minute or so, mercifully the alarm stops. Since I didn’t hear a BEEP BEEP, I assume the car alarm has a snooze function – you know, like your alarm that just turns off after you try to ignore it for 10 minutes. But I hoped for the best.
This is what I tweeted at 3am:
Either our neighbors–yes, plural: both of their cars were parked there last night–hibernate at night or they are deaf to their own car alarm.
Seriously. What is the point of car alarms?! Does anyone even care? I feel like they’re the 20th century equivalent of the boy who cried wolf. It’s the 21st century now, there’s gotta be something better than that right?! I mean, Sprint’s phones come with better theft deterrant:
So the entire house woke up cranky and I have you to thank.
To breast cancer: FLIP OFF! Btw, where in the heck did October come from?! It came so quick (that’s what she said). Anywho, October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. A dear friend of mine is going through chemo right now and I know countless others are affected by this. If there’s anything Americans love, it’s fast cars, buffets, freedom, and breasts – in some order. So leave the boobies alone!
*whew* that feels better. What about you? What in your life deserves to be flipped off today?
And thanks again to Momma Kiss – the vajazzled purple dinosaur – for hosting this week!
Momma Kiss is a vajazzled purple dinosaur? Who knew?
Re: car alarms. I go nucking futs when that happens. I sleep poorly enough to begin with, mess with what little sleep I do get and I will strongly consider shoving unlaundered knickers up your tailpipe.
I know right?! I just found out yesterday.
Nucking futs is right! And when you say tailpipe, are you talking about the car or the person who owns the car?
Ahhh..Great Flips!!! Eff Car alarms! Hate them…especially at ungodly hours and more so when they wake up kids!
And cancer….CANCER SUCKS!
Cancer definitely sucks. Some friends just lost their grandmother to cancer. Flip off already!
Oh, I live in an apartment building, so I feel your pain
Why is it that half these cars with overly-insistent alarms tend to be such POS.
Seriously, no one’s gonna gank your 1995 Festiva.
You don’t know how tempted I’ve been to grab a baseball bat, smash the car up, and leave a note saying “if your alarm was such a deterrent this wouldn’t have happened.”
That, and people who live in a communal environment (apartment, townhouse) and don’t see what’s wrong with blasting the TV at volume level 50 all night. I rarely turn it up past 20–and my hearing’s messed up!
So true about the cars that are actually alarmed. Her car is an old Isuzu. Wouldn’t the insurance company writing it off as a total loss be better?
Ugh. I hate car alarms. And I hate being woken up by stupid crap. I’m with Lori…don’t mess with my puny, insignificant hours of sleep. I might become a wee bit crabby.
Funny story…back in AZ, we had so many issues with car alarms going off? The mockingbirds learned the alarm pattern.
cheep CHEEP cheep CHEEP
CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP
LOL. Are you sure it was CHEEP or was it CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP!
Saw you were up bc of the alarm. Can’t believe they didn’t wake up.
Breast cancer. That’s a big flip off every day!!!!
It’s ridiculous. And I think some neighbors thought it was our car – I got some nasty looks the next day. BAH!
omg i have a neighbor who has his alarm set so sensitive it goes off when a loud plane goes by!! drives us CRAZY!!! so we’re so immune to it we wouldn’t hear our own if it went off…
One car in our neighborhood has an alarm that goes off when any big truck, e.g., UPS, Fed Ex, garbage truck drive by. So annoying.
You are a saint! I would’ve gone ballistic if that happened to me. I go regularly nuts when my husband’s dogs go barking while our daughter is asleep (yes, they’re his only, can you tell I’m not much of a pet lover?). Flipping off breast cancer right along with you too.
I may acted like a saint in that instance, but I assure you, Cyrene, there was nothing saintly about the thoughts running through my head at that time.
I once rented a car to go out of town and twice my sister and I accidentally set of the alarm. We tried EVERYTHING to shut it up and couldn’t figure it out so we majorly ticked off a bunch of people nearby at the beach when we let it run it’s course. It seemed like it would never end! I think we eventually figured it out AFTER the alarm stopped by itself but of course we never set it off again–lol. I can’t believe your neighbors were that dead to the world. I would suspect some drugs or alcohol were involved–who can sleep through an alarm AND someone banging on your door?! I’m lucky enough come from a family where breast cancer is rare (and I’ve never even had a friend with it!) but my hubby’s aunt is a recent survivor so I did the Komen walk for a cure a few years ago in honor of her. Right on for giving it your middle finger! You make me laugh. I say flip off to this low-carb rash I have. It’s going down b/c as of today, I’m back on carbs. I had a mango for breakfast and it was HEAVEN.
haha. I’ve seen that before too and that’s not so much annoying as it is amusing.
Mmmmmmango!
I think car alarms are so dumb. I mean, let’s say it goes off while you’re at work, or in a store, or at a party. Who hears that? No one, that’s who.
The only possible time you’ll hear it is when you’re sleeping. And even then….probably only if you have kids.
Dumb, dumb, dumb!
I miss pay phones. Where the hell are teenagers supposed to go to make out now?? Also, it brings tears to my eyes every time I say “here’s a quarter, call someone who cares” and the kids look at me like “what the hell am I supposed to do with a quarter?? Now, can I borrow your cell phone?”
haha~ Actually, last I checked, I think pay phones are $0.50 now.
Officially the best Friday Flip Off I have ever read. sorry you’re tired, but I enjoyed the story.
Thanks! And no worries, I got some sleep.
“If there’s anything Americans love, it’s fast cars, buffets, freedom, and breasts – in some order. So leave the boobies alone!” I seriously snorted when I read this. So Awesome Pop!!
If it makes you feel better your lack of sleep is just making your writing more funny.
There’s always a silver lining, huh, TK?
That is SOOOOO not cool. It’s bad enough when you are woken up, but especially when you have little ones. Love the Sprint commercial! Hadn’t seen that one before. And yes, cancer sucks. A good friend’s dad is going through chemo now. Boo!
I loved that Sprint commercial.
Boo to cancer. Hope your friend’s dad is ok!
that would be so incredibly grating on my nerves! i would have be cussing like a sailor!
I try to watch my mouth since D1 is a parrot but boy was I cursing something awful in my mind. Or at least I think it was internalized. Hard to tell at 3am.
That crime deterrent phone is too funny!
I’m going to flip off my glass of wine which is now empty.
LOL. Did it fill itself back up in fear? I sure hope so!
Boo to car alarms… I feel your pain. Can’t believe they didn’t wake up.
However, I think what cracked me up most about this was the screenshot of your Twitter page. Since I moved to TweetDeck, I don’t actually view the web page of people’s Twitter accounts any more. I have to say I love the fact that you have a slab of meat as your background image. Mmm, meat.
I love meat. With all due respect to the other Twitter users out there, I’m pretty sure my background is the most delicious.
Who even listens to car alarms, anyway?? What purpose do they serve? Except to wake innocent parents and grumpy kids. Stupid.
And cancer? Big flip-off, for sure. Great flips, glad I found you on Twitter!
Apparently, not my neighbor.
Ugh I would’ve be knocking on your neighbor’s door if it was me. Just the way I had complaint to my parents’ neighbor who would honk to get their maids to open the gate at 11 or sometimes well after midnight. Some people are too lazy. Yikes!
Flip off to cancer too! Damn you cancer!
That would be really annoying. I also hate when people honk to tell someone they are there at 6am.
I feel your pain, although it didn’t happen last night to us, it is not so uncommon living in the heart of West Los Angeles! UGH. The other thing that should be taken out of cars is the horn. I dont even pay attention because people just honk for the hell of it now. Happy Monday!
Horn misuse is a major problem and should be a criminal offense.
There is nothing more annoying then a neighbors car alarm going off…well I guess in the middle of the night waking up your kids would be worse!! Hope you guys got some sleep!!!
We got some really good sleep the next night. Thank goodness.
the vajazzled purple dino. yep. that’s me. Proud of it.
so – big fucking sigh – my girl? found out her cancer has in fact spread. so instead of her simple lumpectomy, she’s losing both of her ‘girls’ – double mastectomy. Soon. Cancer is a total motherfucker. I’m swearing like you should be at those g-damn car alarms.
That sucks! So flipping off cancer with you.
I often wonder myself about car alarms – what is the point of them when so many are desensitized to it, and more often than not, it causes irritation rather than its real intent, which is alarm. Have you ever been alarmed by a car alarm? (Other than when it wakes your babies? Or yourself?). Yeah, I didn’t think so.
lol. You’re right. Should be called a car annoyance – it doesn’t do much as an alarm. Then again, my alarm clock is the same way.
I love how you described the car alarm as a modern day cry wolf. It’s exactly what I think of them without ever expressing it in words. So. Effing. Annoying. My neighborhood is riddled with them. I invested in some white noise machines and that seems to have solved our issue for now. Good luck!
White noise machines?! May have to look into that. That or busting up the car.
The car alarm would’ve driven me crazy, and that would’ve been compounded 100x by the fact that it woke up two kids. Have Mercy!
And, yes, I was over Breast Cancer Awareness Month by the 1st! I don’t need to be reminded this year at all! xoxo
Praying for you, Twin. xoxo
I just laughed out loud, so hard at this comment: “I figured my dog poop morning breath would be punishment enough and I fully planned on drawing out all my words like “Hiiiiiiiiii neeeeeeeighboooooooooooooor. You’re alaaaaaaaaaaaaarm is gooooooing ooooooooooof”
oH MAN…You really crack me up.:) Love that dog poop morning breath
My wife hates my dog poop morning breath. You know in movies, when the couple wakes up and the first thing they do is lovingly kiss each other? That isn’t my house. I have to brush my teeth first.