Friday Flip-Offs, 8/13 Pop’s Edition

This is my 2nd week joining in on Friday Flip-Offs (here’s the first in case you missed it), the love child of Gigi over at Kludgy Mom and a lot of coffee. So without further ado, here are Pop’s Flip-Offs.

To that driver on the parkway the other night: FLIP OFF! Everyone has rubbernecked at some point in their lives but you, you’re something else! There was a pretty bad accident and we were squeezing by to the right. I was right behind you and naturally you begin to slow down as we get near the accident scene. But then you slowed to a stop. “Oh no! What happened,” I thought. That initial concern turned into anger as it looked like you were reaching down for something…Oh no you Di’n't!!! You took out your phone and you took a picture! Oh no you Di’n't! And then you slowly drove by the accident as I presume you were tweeting or MMSing the picture. Wow. The only way this could’ve been any more egregious is if you picked your nose and were shaving your legs as you were tweeting the pic.

To the DMV weather: FLIP OFF! As if record heat and humidity wasn’t enough, we get an earthquake and two massive storms. And we haven’t even gotten through hurricane season yet. Pat Robertson really doesn’t need any more examples to cite how God is punishing us. Really.

To that guy at my gym: FLIP OFF! You are quite possibly the most diesel man I’ve ever seen in person. And yet, you moan in a fairly high-pitched voice when you lift as if the weight machines were pleasuring you. It’s really, really disturbing. So disturbing that if you look around, everyone stops lifting when you do because they can’t concentrate. I’d say something, but then you’d probably crush my head in between your pectorals or worse, your equine buttcheeks. *whew* thank goodness this blog is anonymous.

To the bottled water companies: FLIP OFF! Not only are you encouraging insane amounts of waste–3 billion pounds worth–for essentially tap water, but now you’re marketing bottled water with fluoride and charging a lot of money for it.

To mutant ninja mosquitoes: FLIP OFF! And I will continue to flip you off until you all die a cold, brutal death this winter. At one point, it looked like I had chicken pox on my legs and while scratching around the bites won’t result in scabs later, it’s so not satisfying.

To preseason football: FLIP OFF! Sure, it looks like the real thing but it’s like going to a concert only to realize the band plays Rock Band instruments. Give us the real stuff!

*whew* that feels better. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to grab two beers and jump!

What about you? Grab two beers, flip some stuff off, and jump!